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Some people get into debt by buying things they don’t need and can’t afford. What are the reasons for this behavior? What action can be taken to prevent people from having this problem? v.10

Some people get into debt by buying things they don’t need and can’t afford. What are the reasons for this behavior? What action can be taken to prevent people from having this problem? v. 10
Increasing trend of owning costly items is observed among few people, to the extent that they buy it even if they cannot afford it or need it. The primary reason behind this trend is the ever growing culture of showing off and to curb this issue awareness programme should be organised. The predominant reason for overspending on buying things is the materialistic approach towards the lifestyle. In other words, we are living in the era where holding high human values and the morals are considered less valuable than that of owning the costly products. As a result, people today are focused on making themselves valuable by buying such a costly items which are appreciated by the others, this not only make them under pressure of impressing others via valuables but it also increases stress on them as they have bought it on the loans. For Example, in India the average income of an individual is far lower than that of an individual in The United States of America, but many Indians are trying to buy iPhones even on the loans, just to impress others. To eradicate this misinterpretation towards life, The Government and The major Non-Profit organisations should initiate the major awareness programmes and the publicity campaign to promote the awareness about the meaning of life and investing and spending in health and learning, instead of useless things. Such alertness programmes will shed some light on the real enriching factors of life and will not only allow them to be more cautious and honest about their spending, but will also make them happier as they will own things they need and stop expecting for the unnecessary things. For Instance, In Rome the Government promoted the buying of products based on the utility and the requirements, soon they observed that the happiness index gone up as they were buying the products they needed. In conclusion, the trend of showing off using valuable products is over all adding stress to the individuals and The Government and The Non-Profit organizations should be vigilant about spreading cognizance about spending the money on the important things.
Increasing trend of owning costly items
is observed
among few
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
, to the extent that they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
it even if they cannot afford it or need it. The primary reason behind this trend is the ever growing culture of showing off and to curb this issue awareness
Possible spelling mistake. 'programme' is British English.
programme
should be
Possible spelling mistake. 'organised' is British English.
organised
.

The predominant reason for overspending on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buying
things is the materialistic approach towards the lifestyle.
In other words
, we are living in the era where holding high human values and the morals
are considered
less
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
valuable
than that of owning the costly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
.
As a result
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
are focused
on making themselves
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
valuable
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buying
such a costly
Don't use indefinite articles with plural words. Did you mean "item"?
items
which
are appreciated
by the others, this not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them under pressure of impressing others via
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
valuables
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it
also
increases
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
on them as they have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bought
it on the loans.
For Example
, in India the average income of an individual is far lower than that of an individual in The United States of America,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
Indians are trying to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
iPhones even on the loans,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
to impress others.

To eradicate this misinterpretation towards life, The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Government
and The major Non-Profit
Possible spelling mistake. 'organisations' is British English.
organisations
should initiate the major awareness
Possible spelling mistake. 'programmes' is British English.
programmes
and the publicity campaign to promote the awareness about the meaning of life and investing and spending in health and learning,
instead
of useless things. Such alertness
Possible spelling mistake. 'programmes' is British English.
programmes
will shed
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
light on the real enriching factors of life and will not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
them to be more cautious and honest about their spending,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
will
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them happier
Comparison requires "than", not 'then' nor 'as'.
as
they will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
things they need and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stop
expecting for the unnecessary things.
For Instance
, In Rome the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Government
promoted the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buying
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
based on the utility and the requirements,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
soon
they observed that the happiness index gone up as they were
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buying
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
they needed.

In conclusion
, the trend of showing off using
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
valuable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
is over all adding
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
to the individuals and The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Government
and The Non-Profit
Do not mix variants of the same word ('organization' and 'organisation') within a single text.
organizations
should be vigilant about spreading cognizance about spending the money on the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
things.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes
Language is not a genetic gift, it is a social gift. Learning a new language is becoming a member of the club – the community of speakers of that language.
Frank Smith

IELTS essay Some people get into debt by buying things they don’t need and can’t afford. What are the reasons for this behavior? What action can be taken to prevent people from having this problem? v. 10

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
351 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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