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Some people get into debt by buying things they don’t need and can’t afford. What are reasons for these behaviors? What action can be taken to prevent people from having this problem? v.8

Some people get into debt by buying things they don’t need and can’t afford. What are reasons for these behaviors? What action can be taken to prevent people from having this problem? v. 8
It is commonly stated that richer nations ought to accept more asylum seekers and assist them with food and shelter, which are fundamental needs for humans. This essay strongly disagrees with this view because refugees often face difficulties with communication, which leads them to unemployment and countries should solve the problems of their own citizens first. A growing number of people hold the view that refugees often face language barriers as their main issue when arriving in a new country. That is to say, they are unable to communicate well with the locals and consequently, many of them struggle to find a job. For example, many Syrian refugees, who were granted their refugee visa in 2014 in Australia, were unable to find a job. To make matters worse, some of them opted to commit crimes, such as robberies and theft, in order to survive in the country. Clearly, bringing them to wealthy countries is not an ideal long-term solution for the country or the refugees. Another reason why first-world countries should reconsider helping refugees is that it is a common view even in Australia, Canada, or the UK, that homelessness is everywhere. It is argued that the government should assist their own people first before assisting other people from other countries. For instance, The Guardian reported that there are some Australian citizens who have been living in the streets for at least five years and they have never received any assistance from the state. Thus, I believe that it is important for a country to take care of its own citizens first. In conclusion, this essay has argued that developed nations should not take more refugees because they often have communication issues, resulting in unemployment, and there are local homeless people who should be prioritised first to receive assistance.
It is
commonly
stated that richer nations ought to accept more asylum seekers and assist them with food and shelter, which are fundamental needs for humans. This essay
strongly
disagrees with this view
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
refugees
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
face difficulties with communication, which leads them to unemployment and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
should solve the problems of their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
citizens
first
.

A growing number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
hold the view that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
refugees
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
face language barriers as their main issue when arriving in a new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
.
That is
to say, they are unable to communicate well with the locals and
consequently
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
of them struggle to find a job.
For example
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
Syrian
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
refugees
, who
were granted
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
refugee
visa in 2014 in Australia, were unable to find a job. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
matters worse,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
of them opted to commit crimes, such as robberies and theft, in order to survive in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
.
Clearly
, bringing them to wealthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
is not an ideal long-term solution for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
or the refugees.

Another reason why
first
-world
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
should reconsider helping
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
refugees
is that it is a common view even in Australia, Canada, or the UK, that homelessness is everywhere. It
is argued
that the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should assist their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
first
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
assisting other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
from other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
.
For instance
, The Guardian reported that there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
Australian citizens who have been living in the streets for at least five
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
years and
they have never received any assistance from the state.
Thus
, I believe that it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
for a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
to take care of its
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
citizens
first
.

In conclusion
, this essay has argued that developed nations should not take more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
refugees
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
have communication issues, resulting in unemployment, and there are local homeless
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who should be
Possible spelling mistake. 'prioritised' is British English.
prioritised
first
to receive assistance.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people get into debt by buying things they don’t need and can’t afford. What are reasons for these behaviors? What action can be taken to prevent people from having this problem? v. 8

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
299 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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