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Some people think the government should pay for health care and education, but there is no agreement about whether it is the government’s responsibility. What is your opinion? v.6

Some people think the government should pay for health care and education, but there is no agreement about whether it is the government’s responsibility. What is your opinion? v. 6
Healthcare and education are the primary importance to citizens, and many tend to see the both areas as country responsibilities while others hesitate. To a certain point, I firmly believe that these must be free of charge throughout the country First of all, the federal budget for people’s learning & development is of great benefit to children, family and the society as a whole. Because some parents struggle to afford the study cost with their meagre salary, compared with the unaffordable tuition fees being charged by tertiary institutions. In Vietnam, for example, a middle-class family could spend approximately 50% income for the monthly school fee for children. In contract, almost low-income families which are only enough to buy food and pay for their monthly bill, their children were limited in their potential to poor academic experience. By providing free education to the residents, it is hoped that more skilled and educated workers would be created. Similarly, access to healthcare is a basic human right and a measure to ensure a decent standard of living. In addition, human should not have to worry about if they could pay to stay healthy. For instance, some patients who could not find the way to cover the hospital cost, they stay home suffering, until it is too late to start treatment. Needless to say, healthcare treatment cost is, in general, expensive to thousands of indigent people. Furthermore, a healthy population is the base of a nation and it is government’s responsibility to make the proper medical care and service for all. Government’s financial support is therefore required. In conclusion, education and healthy life are two basic needs of every citizen and a government is in fact, formed to make sure no resident is deprived of his basic demands, and all these must be given importance and unrestricted from all levels of the society.
Healthcare and education are the primary importance to citizens, and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
tend to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
the both areas as country responsibilities while others hesitate. To a certain point, I
firmly
believe that these
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be free of charge throughout the
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
country


This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, the federal budget for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
’s learning & development is of great benefit to children, family and the society as a whole.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
parents struggle to afford the study cost with their
Possible spelling mistake. 'meagre' is British English.
meagre
salary, compared with the unaffordable tuition fees
being charged
by tertiary institutions. In Vietnam,
for example
, a middle-
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
family could spend approximately 50% income for the monthly school fee for children. In contract, almost low-income families which are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
food and pay for their monthly bill, their children
were limited
in their potential to poor academic experience. By providing free education to the residents, it
is hoped
that more skilled and educated workers would
be created
.

Similarly
, access to healthcare is a basic human right and a measure to ensure a decent standard of living.
In addition
, human should not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
worry about if they could pay to stay healthy.
For instance
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
patients who could not find the way to cover the hospital cost, they stay home suffering, until it is too late to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
treatment. Needless to say, healthcare treatment cost is,
in general
, expensive to thousands of indigent
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.
Furthermore
, a healthy population is the base of a nation and it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
’s responsibility to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
the proper medical care and service for all.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Government
’s financial support is
therefore
required.

In conclusion
, education and healthy life are two basic needs of every citizen and a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
is in fact, formed to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
sure no resident
is deprived
of his basic demands, and all these
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
importance and unrestricted from all levels of the society.
10Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
0Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think the government should pay for health care and education, but there is no agreement about whether it is the government’s responsibility. What is your opinion? v. 6

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
309 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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