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More and more students in university today are not choosing to study science. Why is this happening? What are the effects of this? v.1

More and more students in university today are not choosing to study science. Why is this happening? What are the effects of this? v. 1
The numbers of students opting non-science major is becoming more and more common. There are several reasons on why this is becoming an issue and some impact from this. One of the reasons on why less people choose science nowadays is the requirements. Science is an extremely wide subject. To learn this subject, a certain level of intelligence is needed as it contains a plethora of materials. Besides that, it is also a demanding field. These requirements are considered complicated compared to other majors. Also, choosing this major of study requires more money. So, most undergraduates these days are not to take the risk. Unfortunately, this trend will cause some negative impact for society development. First, there will be more demand for employees rather than the possible workers. We use science for our daily needs like taking care of our health or developing new technology. Thus, the job vacancy is added more and more. However, as other fields have more workers there will be less vacancies. This cause higher employment rate for those in this field, but more unemployed fresh graduates in another field. Another detrimental effect is less development of society as this subject has a crucial role. All of the technologies are possible because of science. To recapitulate, taking science in university is less common because of the burden of learning it. However, we need to solve this issue because this will impact our society negatively.
The numbers of students opting non-science major is becoming more and more common. There are several reasons on why this is becoming an issue and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
impact from this.

One of the reasons on why
Did you mean "fewer"? The noun people is countable.
less
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
choose
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
science
nowadays is the requirements.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Science
is an
extremely
wide subject. To learn this subject, a certain level of intelligence
is needed
as it contains a plethora of materials.
Besides
that, it is
also
a demanding
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
field
. These requirements
are considered
complicated compared to other majors.
Also
, choosing this major of study requires more money.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, most undergraduates these days are not to take the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
.

Unfortunately, this trend will cause
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impact for society development.
First
, there will be more demand for employees
rather
than the possible workers. We
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
science
for our daily needs like taking care of our health or developing new technology.
Thus
, the job vacancy is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
added
more and more.
However
, as other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fields
have more workers there will be
Did you mean "fewer"? The noun vacancies is countable.
less
vacancies. This cause higher employment rate for those in this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
field
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
more unemployed fresh graduates in another
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
field
. Another detrimental effect is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
less
development of society as this subject has a crucial role.
Consider using "all the".
All of the
technologies are possible
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of science.

To recapitulate, taking
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
science
in university is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
less
common
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the burden of learning it.
However
, we need to solve this issue
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
this will impact our society
negatively
.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
12Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes
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IELTS essay More and more students in university today are not choosing to study science. Why is this happening? What are the effects of this? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
238 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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