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Some people get into debt by buying things they don’t need and can’t afford. What are the reasons for this behaviour? What action can be taken to prevent people from having this problem? v.15

Some people get into debt by buying things they don’t need and can’t afford. What are the reasons for this behaviour? What action can be taken to prevent people from having this problem? v. 15
Nowadays, as a result of economic growth, the incomes of people are increasing and they start to consume more goods than the past. However, some people get to be in debt because of buying goods, which they do not actually need and could not pay. In my opinion, it is very important to prevent people from getting trapped in this problem. In the first place, there are several reasons for this behaviour. One of the most important catalysts is the psychological problem. For instance, when some people are upset and disappointed, they tend to go shopping and buy everything they want. In this situation, because of their loose of control, they could not consider the things whether they need or not. Equally important, another reason is their temporary desire. To specify, at some moments, people always have the ambition to possess something, which is not normally necessary for them and out of their financial situation. Therefore, they will make a purchasing decision without assessing the benefits and drawbacks. Credit cards, purchase cards, gift cards etc. are more available nowadays and having a credit card from a band is easier than ever before. These shorts of cards and loans allure people to purchase more luxury items they can live without. While repaying, people get trapped and the high-interest rates increase the loan amount significantly. Admittedly, this behaviour could bring people into a very dangerous situation. Hence, the government, as well as the community, should take place some solutions to deal with it. Firstly, every store or shopping centre should control their customer purchasing by checking their financial status. As a consequence, it will restrict people in buying the items, which they cannot afford. Moreover, we should organise some psychological course for people, who have problems with shopping. Lastly, the sale staffs of shops should advise and give a good recommendation to their, which enable them to have the best choice. Banks should be more rigid while approving the credit card to a person and the credit limit should be within the affordable amount by the card holder. In summary, to avoid getting into debt, everyone should consider both advantages and disadvantages of the products before buying it. Someone should not simply purchase a product because of pure luxury or pride. The repayment should also be considered at the time of purchasing.
Nowadays,
as a result
of economic growth, the incomes of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
increasing and
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
to consume more
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
than the past.
However
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
to be in debt
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of buying
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
, which they do not actually need and could not pay. In my opinion, it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
from getting trapped in this problem.

In the
first
place, there are several reasons for this
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
. One of the most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
catalysts is the psychological problem.
For instance
, when
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are upset
and disappointed, they tend to go shopping and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
everything they want. In this situation,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of their loose of control, they could not consider the things whether they need or not.
Equally
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
, another reason is their temporary desire. To specify, at
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
moments,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
always have the ambition to possess something, which is not
normally
necessary for them and out of their financial situation.
Therefore
, they will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a purchasing decision without assessing the benefits and drawbacks.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Credit
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cards
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cards
, gift
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cards
etc. are more available nowadays and having a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
credit
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
card
from a band is easier than ever
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
. These shorts of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cards
and loans allure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
more luxury items they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
without. While repaying,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
trapped and the high-interest rates increase the loan amount
significantly
.

Admittedly
, this
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
could bring
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
into a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
situation.
Hence
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
,
as well
as the community, should take place
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
solutions to deal with it.
Firstly
, every store or shopping
Possible spelling mistake. 'centre' is British English.
centre
should control their customer purchasing by checking their financial status. As a consequence, it will restrict
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in buying the items, which they cannot afford.
Moreover
, we should
Possible spelling mistake. 'organise' is British English.
organise
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
psychological course for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, who have problems with shopping.
Lastly
, the sale staffs of shops should advise and give a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
recommendation to their, which enable them to have the best choice. Banks should be more rigid while approving the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
credit
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
card
to a person and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
credit
limit should be within the affordable amount by the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
card
holder.

In summary, to avoid getting into debt, everyone should consider both advantages and disadvantages of the products
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
buying it. Someone should not
simply
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
a product
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of pure luxury or pride. The repayment should
also
be considered
at the time of purchasing.
13Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
21Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Mistakes
The limits of my language mean the limits of my world.
Ludwig Wittgenstein

IELTS essay Some people get into debt by buying things they don’t need and can’t afford. What are the reasons for this behaviour? What action can be taken to prevent people from having this problem? v. 15

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
390 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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