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Nowadays technology is increasingly being used to monitor what people are saying and doing (for example, through cell phone tracking and security cameras). In many cases, the people being monitored are unaware that this is happening. v.11

Nowadays technology is increasingly being used to monitor what people are saying and doing (for example, through cell phone tracking and security cameras). In many cases, the people being monitored are unaware that this is happening. v. 11
It is true that technological devices such as surveillance video or mobile phone are utilised for monitoring public activities these days. In the most common case, many people do not realise that they are being monitored. Although the existence of these devices has some drawbacks, I do believe that it has more benefits for our communities and the following essay will discuss it in details. On the one hand, it is reported the usage of technological tools has increased, such as video cameras that are placed everywhere by authorities and the tracking of individuals' cellular phone using satellite technology. These acts are unfavourable for some people since authorities do not inform their residents about the activities. Some people believe that this is against human rights and freedom, where people should have their own privacy. Besides that, this monitoring data could be misused by the member of the authorities, as the data could be sold to another party for business or political purposes. On the other hand, the existence of CCTV in public places and satellite tracking of mobile phones would bring many advantages for the humankind if they are used appropriately. With the existence of these video monitoring activities, it would help the police department in preventing and investigating any crime activities. And then, with the sophisticated satellite tracking technology, it could help authorities in tracing crime persons, as they could search the existence of criminals through the signal of mobile phones. It has been proven that with the usage of these sophisticated technologies, it has reduced the number of crimes in many countries. In conclusion, it is common that governments use advanced technology devices such as video camera and handphone tracking system to monitor their residents' activities. And in common cases, these monitoring activities are not informed and socialised to the public, therefore some people believe that they are against human's privacy policy. In my personal opinion, I do believe that these activities have more positive sides than its negatives if authorities use it properly.
It is true that technological devices such as surveillance
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
video
or mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phone
are
Possible spelling mistake. 'utilised' is British English.
utilised
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
monitoring
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
these days. In the most common case,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
do not
Possible spelling mistake. 'realise' is British English.
realise
that they are
being monitored
. Although the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
existence
of these devices has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
drawbacks, I do
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
that it has more benefits for our communities and the following essay will discuss it in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
details
.

On the one hand, it
is reported
the usage of technological tools has increased, such as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
video
cameras that
are placed
everywhere by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
authorities
and the tracking of individuals' cellular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phone
using satellite
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
. These acts are
Possible spelling mistake. 'unfavourable' is British English.
unfavourable
for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
since
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
authorities
do not inform their residents about the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
that this is against human rights and freedom, where
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should have their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
privacy.
Besides
that, this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
monitoring
data could
be misused
by the member of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
authorities
, as the data could
be sold
to another party for business or political purposes.

On the other hand
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
existence
of CCTV in public places and satellite tracking of mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
would bring
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
advantages for the humankind if they are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
appropriately
. With the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
existence
of these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
monitoring
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
, it would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
the police department in preventing and investigating any crime
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
. And then, with the sophisticated satellite tracking
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
, it could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
authorities
in tracing crime persons, as they could search the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
existence
of criminals through the signal of mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
. It has
been proven
that with the usage of these sophisticated
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technologies
, it has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
the number of crimes in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
countries.

In conclusion
, it is common that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
advanced
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
devices such as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
video
camera and
Possible spelling mistake found.
handphone
tracking system to monitor their residents'
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
. And in common cases, these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
monitoring
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
are not informed and
Possible spelling mistake. 'socialised' is British English.
socialised
to the public,
therefore
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
that they are against human's privacy policy. In my personal opinion, I do
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
that these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
have more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
sides than its negatives if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
authorities
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
it
properly
.
5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
41Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Mistakes

IELTS essay Nowadays technology is increasingly being used to monitor what people are saying and doing (for example, through cell phone tracking and security cameras). In many cases, the people being monitored are unaware that this is happening. v. 11

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
336 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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