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Some people forbid young children from usin smatphones cellphones with internet accesss while others disagree and believe that they are importnt tools for keeping in touch Which point of view do you think is better and why v.2

Some people forbid young children from usin smatphones cellphones with internet accesss while others disagree and believe that they are importnt tools for keeping in touch Which point of view do you think is better and why v. 2
In this contemporary setting, children are denying having access to Smartphone. Many parents refused their younger children to use cellphone with internet access because of the hazards emanated, rather than its purpose for communication. I agree with the idea of parents not allowing their children using phones with internet access. I feel this way for two reasons, which I will explore in the following paragraphs. Firstly, it promotes immorality among the children. Smartphones developed with the expansion in technology for smooth, easier and faster communication. Moreover, parents appreciate the usefulness of the cellphones because it has made many activities suitable between them and their younger children. However, the havoc generating by giving it to the children made many parents refusing them to use it. Children are intelligent and inquisitive, they want to know more, in the process especially when handling cellphone with internet access, they will visit different websites that are not suitable for them whereby learning all sort of immoralities unknowingly to their parents. For instance, my cousin of 10 years old was given a techno spark 3 phones by her mother to communicate with him while in school. In the recent times, she started noticing some strange behaviour in his character like threatening to fight his siblings with knife and other harmful objects. She discovered aftermath, his son watches dangerous film where he learnt how to use weapon to combat. Therefore, allowing children to use smartphones increases immorality which parents don' t appreciate. Secondly, it makes the children not to be industrious in their studies. Children want a very quick and fast method when it comes to academic level whereby internet has becomes one of their favourite sites to visit. Teachers are complaining about the attitude of children towards their studies because most students refuse ruminating on ideas in today' s world, they prefer using internet for immediate answers. For example, my niece of 12 years old, when she' s given assignments, she will rapidly take her mother’s smartphone to search for answers. Her mother warns severally but she was adamant until she performed woefully in her last examination as a result of not able to solve some problems in the exam hall. In conclusion, I strongly support the opinion, of parents rejecting the idea of their children using smartphones because it increases immorality and makes them to become lazy in their school activities.
In this contemporary setting,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
The verb 'denying' is a stative verb and sometimes the progressive form is not correct. Try a simple form instead.
are denying
having
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
access
to Smartphone.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
refused their younger
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
cellphone with internet
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
access
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the hazards emanated,
rather
than its purpose for communication. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
not allowing their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
using phones with internet
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
access
. I feel this way for two reasons, which I will explore in the following paragraphs.

Firstly
, it promotes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
immorality
among the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. Smartphones developed with the expansion in technology for smooth, easier and faster communication.
Moreover
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
appreciate the usefulness of the cellphones
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it has made
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
activities suitable between them and their younger
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
However
, the havoc generating by giving it to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
made
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
refusing them to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
it.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Children
are intelligent and inquisitive, they want to know more, in the process
especially
when handling cellphone with internet
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
access
, they will visit
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
websites that are not suitable for them whereby learning all sort of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
immoralities
unknowingly
to their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
.
For instance
, my cousin of 10 years
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
was
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
a techno spark 3 phones by her mother to communicate with him while in school. In the recent times, she
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
noticing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
strange
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
in his character like threatening to fight his siblings with knife and other harmful objects. She discovered aftermath, his son
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watches
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
film where he
Possible spelling mistake. 'learnt' is British English.
learnt
how to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
weapon to combat.
Therefore
, allowing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
smartphones increases
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
immorality
which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
Possible spelling mistake found.
don&
#039; t appreciate.

Secondly
, it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
not to be industrious in their studies.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Children
want a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
quick and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
method when it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
to academic level whereby internet has becomes one of their
Possible spelling mistake. 'favourite' is British English.
favourite
sites to visit. Teachers are complaining about the attitude of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
towards their studies
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
most students refuse ruminating on
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
in
Possible spelling mistake found.
today&
#039; s world, they prefer using internet for immediate answers.
For example
, my niece of 12 years
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
, when
Possible spelling mistake found.
she&
#039; s
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
assignments, she will
rapidly
take her mother’s smartphone to search for answers. Her mother warns
severally
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
she was adamant until she performed
woefully
in her last examination
as a result
of not able to solve
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
problems in the exam hall.

In conclusion
, I
strongly
support the opinion, of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
rejecting the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
using smartphones
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it increases
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
immorality
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
them to become lazy in their school activities.
12Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
27Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people forbid young children from usin smatphones cellphones with internet accesss while others disagree and believe that they are importnt tools for keeping in touch Which point of view do you think is better and why v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
396 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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