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ome parents forbid young children from owning smart phones (cell phones with Internet access), while others disagree and believe that they are important tools for keeping in touch. Which point of view do you think is better, and why? v.1

ome parents forbid young children from owning smart phones (cell phones with Internet access), while others disagree and believe that they are important tools for keeping in touch. Which point of view do you think is better, and why? v. 1
It is considered by some that being a university graduate is the key to securing a good job, while there are others who think that it is better to have experience and soft skills. In my opinion, I believe that having a university education is essential for academic jobs while soft skills and experience are more useful in business. On the one hand, many think it is easier for most people to find a good job if they are university graduates with a good degree. In other words, having tertiary education puts people one step ahead of others who do not and this can be the deciding factor in getting a good job. The competition to get into universities and the increasing number of graduates show just how significant this level of education is for people’s future work opportunities. On the other hand, having work experience and soft skills, such as leadership skills and other interpersonal skills, can also throw the balance in favour of the applicant, according to some. For many positions there are an overwhelming number of applicants and, therefore, it is often thought that having relevant experience in that line of work or having acquired useful soft skills that can be valuable to a company, can put one ahead of the game when applying for a position. Finally, in my opinion, whether needing high-level education or skills and experience, depends on the position being applied for. Take for example law, medicine or teaching, it is impossible to be considered for a position without the required educational background. In contrast, in business, it would be more important for a candidate to have soft skills and experience in that line of business so they can step into a position without further training and be of immediate benefit to the company. In conclusion, getting a good job requires a relevant background either inexperience or education depending on the type of work and field. People should make sure they attain the necessary skills or degrees before applying for a job in order to be sure of success.
It
is considered
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
that being a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
graduate is the key to securing a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
, while there are others who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that it is better to have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experience
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
soft
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
. In my opinion, I believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
having
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
is essential for academic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
while
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
soft
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experience
are more useful in business.

On the one hand,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
it is easier for most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to find a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
if they are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
graduates with a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
degree. In
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
words,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
having
tertiary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
puts
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
one step ahead of others who do not and this can be the deciding factor in getting a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
. The competition to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
into
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
universities
and the increasing number of graduates
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
how significant this level of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
is for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
future
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
opportunities.

On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
having
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experience
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
soft
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
, such as leadership
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
interpersonal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
, can
also
throw the balance in
Possible spelling mistake. 'favour' is British English.
favour
of the applicant, according to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
. For
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
positions
there are an overwhelming number of applicants and,
therefore
, it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
having
relevant
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experience
in that line of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
having
acquired useful
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
soft
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
that can be valuable to a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
, can put one ahead of the game when applying for a position.

Finally
, in my opinion, whether needing high-level
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experience
, depends on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
position
being applied
for. Take
for example
law, medicine or teaching, it is impossible to
be considered
for a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
position
without the required educational background.
In contrast
, in business, it would be more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
for a candidate to have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
soft
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experience
in that line of business
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they can step into a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
position
without
further
training and be of immediate benefit to the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
.

In conclusion
, getting a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
requires a relevant background either inexperience or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
depending on the type of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
and field.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
sure they attain the necessary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
or degrees
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
applying for a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
in order to be sure of success.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
It is astonishing how much enjoyment one can get out of a language that one understands imperfectly.
Basil Lanneau Gildersleeve

IELTS essay ome parents forbid young children from owning smart phones (cell phones with Internet access), while others disagree and believe that they are important tools for keeping in touch. Which point of view do you think is better, and why? v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
346 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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