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Some people feel that sports is beneficial to the society. Others, however believe that it is nothing but a leisure activity. Discuss both views and give your opinion. v.1

Some people feel that sports is beneficial to the society. Others, however believe that it is nothing but a leisure activity. v. 1
People have different opinions on the benefits of sports. Some argue that sports are useful for the society while others feel that sports are only for leisure. I firmly believe that sports are essential for the society and let us consider the differing opinions on the same. While the money earned from ticket sales of most sports events goes to the organizers and players, there are several instances when sports events are organized for raising funds for charitable purposes. For instance, funds raised in IPL matches in 2007 were donated for rehabilitation of Tsunami victims in India. In these cases, the sports events directly contribute to the welfare of the community. Sports activities tend to bring together people in a common gathering and promotes social development. Further, sports help in the overall personality improvement of players honing their leadership, team spirit, physical and mental stamina. Thus, sports are beneficial to the public in multiple ways. However, on the other hand, there are people who believe that sports can only serve as leisure activities. This could be true when there is no real value addition to the people involved. For example, if a person watches a football match on TV, he does not engage himself with others watching the match and there is no development as a result. In such scenarios, sports are reduced to merely a past time than societal value adder. In conclusion, sports are beneficial to the society because during the current time when children immerse themselves in video games and lack physical activity, sports act as motivating factors for people to come together and be physically fit. A community where its citizens are physically strong is a healthy community. Therefore, in my opinion, sports definitely play a role in the development of a healthy society.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
opinions on the benefits of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
argue that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
are useful for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
while others feel that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
for leisure. I
firmly
believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
are essential for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
let
us consider the differing opinions on the same.

While the money earned from ticket sales of most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
goes to the organizers and players, there are several instances when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
are organized
for raising funds for charitable purposes.
For instance
, funds raised in
Possible spelling mistake found.
IPL
matches in 2007
were donated
for rehabilitation of Tsunami victims in India. In these cases, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
directly
contribute to the welfare of the community.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Sports
activities tend to bring together
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in a common gathering and promotes social development.
Further
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
in the
overall
personality improvement of players honing their leadership, team spirit, physical and mental stamina.
Thus
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
are beneficial to the public in multiple ways.

However
,
on the other hand
, there are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
serve as leisure activities. This could be true when there is no real value addition to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
involved.
For example
, if a person
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watches
a football match on TV, he does not engage himself with others watching the match and there is no development
as a result
. In such scenarios,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
to
merely
a
Did you mean "pastime"?
past time
than societal value adder.

In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
are beneficial to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
during the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
time when children immerse themselves in video games and lack physical activity,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
act as motivating factors for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
together and be
physically
fit. A community where its citizens are
physically
strong is a healthy community.
Therefore
, in my opinion,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
definitely play a role in the development of a healthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
.
8.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people feel that sports is beneficial to the society. Others, however believe that it is nothing but a leisure activity. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
298 words
8.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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