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In the modern world it is possible to shop, work and communicate with people via internet and live without any face to face contact with others. is it a positive or negative development in your opinion. To what extent do you support this development. v.2

In the modern world it is possible to shop, work and communicate with people via internet and live without any face to face contact with others. is it a positive or negative development in your opinion. v. 2
It is true that in the contemporary world the majority of people prefer to purchase products online, handling work from home and converse with their loved ones via social portals such as Facebook, Twitter and Whatsapp. Whilst this scenario has both favourable and unfavourable impacts on an individual and the society as a whole. Before stating any opinion the essay shall discuss the same in the ensuing paragraphs. While considering negatives, the foremost one is it deteriorate personal relations of people. When they communicate via Internet, people lose social touch with each other. Moreover, they cannot understand and sympathies feeling of others. In the same way when people buy products using online shopping websites, they cannot check the quality of purchase which leads to dissatisfaction. Furthermore, working for the whole day at home at a one place generate severe problems related to health such as obesity and frustration. For example, in overseas countries a majority of people choose to use the Internet for almost all the activities which often leads to homesickness, unsatisfied products and mental heath issues. However, the Internet is now a very handy nowadays. It efficiently saved time and energy without waiting long hours for a bus or a train. Working from home also reduced before and after reach time to a home or a workplace. In addition to independent lifestyle aid to alleviate people from the social responsibility of parents and siblings. For instance, people live far from their family can easily enjoy their life and manage their finances effectively without having the burden of the whole family. To conclude, if people live with their family can help them to make a sensible individual and social solitude binds them which leads to a better life. Nevertheless, I personally believe that internet facilities lead to positive development in this contemporary era.
It is true that in the contemporary world the majority of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
prefer to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
products online, handling work from home and converse with their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
loved
ones via
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
portals such as Facebook, Twitter and
Possible spelling mistake found.
Whatsapp
. Whilst this scenario has both
Possible spelling mistake. 'favourable' is British English.
favourable
and
Possible spelling mistake. 'unfavourable' is British English.
unfavourable
impacts on an individual and the society as a whole.
“Before” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Before
stating any opinion the essay shall discuss the same in the ensuing paragraphs.

While considering negatives, the foremost one is it deteriorate personal relations of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. When they communicate via Internet,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
lose
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
touch with each other.
Moreover
, they cannot understand and sympathies feeling of others.
In the same way
when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
products using online shopping websites, they cannot
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
check
the quality of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
which leads to dissatisfaction.
Furthermore
, working for the whole day at home at a one place generate severe problems related to health such as obesity and frustration.
For example
, in overseas countries a majority of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
choose to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
the Internet for almost all the activities which
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
leads to homesickness, unsatisfied products and mental heath issues.

However
, the Internet is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
handy nowadays. It
efficiently
saved time and energy without waiting long hours for a bus or a train. Working from home
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
and after reach time to a home or a workplace.
In addition
to independent lifestyle aid to alleviate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
from the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
responsibility of parents and siblings.
For instance
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
far from their family can
easily
enjoy their life and manage their finances
effectively
without having the burden of the whole family.

To conclude
, if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
with their family can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a sensible individual and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
solitude binds them which leads to a better life.
Nevertheless
, I
personally
believe that internet facilities
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lead
to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
development in this contemporary era.
8.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8.5Mistakes
A special kind of beauty exists which is born in language, of language, and for language.
Gaston Bachelard

IELTS essay In the modern world it is possible to shop, work and communicate with people via internet and live without any face to face contact with others. is it a positive or negative development in your opinion. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
304 words
8.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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