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Some people feel that paparazzi should not follow celebrities and invade their privacy by taking pictures of them everywhere, while others believe this is just the price of fame. Discuss both sides and give your opinion. Give reasons for your answer, and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. v.4

Some people feel that paparazzi should not follow celebrities and invade their privacy by taking pictures of them everywhere, while others believe this is just the price of fame. v. 4
Many fans believe that, if you are a famous person, all people have the right to follow you. However, several followers’ think that celebrities also have their own life. I totally agree that we all have to respect the others privacy and do not interrupt them. This essay will highlight on the both ways of thinking. At first, the well-known people not only are having jobs as any other citizen in the society, but also having families and children. Being a fan to this singer or actor, it does not mean that you have the right to talk or take a photo with him /her. If the celebrities accept all the paparazzi they will not be able to walk any local area. For example, an Egyptian actor; Nelly; said in a TV program that she have to go out wearing higab to change her appearance to avoid the dealing this others. On the other hand, sometimes people thought that famous individuals must accept the others’ treatment because these followers support them. It is better for any famous writer or musician to show his /her interest to the audience instead of refusing them. For instance, Mahmoud Saad; a well known writer; he made an aggressive reaction to a person who had tried to get his signature in crowded place; after that Saad apologized in social media to this fan. In conclusion; the price of fame may be costs a lot and keeping on your own privacy is much harder. The successful celebrity is the one who can make the balance between the audience and his /her peace.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
fans believe that, if you are a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
person, all
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
have the right to follow you.
However
, several followers’
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that celebrities
also
have their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
life. I
totally
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that we all
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
respect the others privacy and do not interrupt them. This essay will highlight on the both ways of thinking.

At
first
, the well-known
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
are having jobs as any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
citizen in the society,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
having families and children. Being a fan to this singer or actor, it does not mean that you have the right to talk or take a photo with him /her.
“If” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
If
the celebrities accept all the paparazzi they will not be able to walk any local area.
For example
, an Egyptian actor;
Nelly
; said in a TV program that she
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
go out wearing
Possible spelling mistake found.
higab
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
her appearance to avoid the dealing
Did you mean "these"?
this
others.

On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
individuals
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
accept the others’ treatment
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
these followers support them. It is better for any
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
writer or musician to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
his /her interest to the audience
instead
of refusing them.
For instance
, Mahmoud
Possible spelling mistake found.
Saad
; a well known writer; he made an aggressive reaction to a person who had tried to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
his signature in crowded place; after that
Possible spelling mistake found.
Saad
apologized in social media to this fan.

In conclusion
; the price of fame may be
Consider using the past participle "cost", "costed"?
costs
a lot and keeping on your
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
privacy is much harder. The successful celebrity is the one who can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
the balance between the audience and his /her peace.
10Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
2Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
6Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people feel that paparazzi should not follow celebrities and invade their privacy by taking pictures of them everywhere, while others believe this is just the price of fame. v. 4

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
266 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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