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Some people feel that manufactures and supermarkets have the responsibility to reduce the amount of packaging of foods. Others argue that customers should avoid buying goods with a lot of packaging. Discuss both views and give your own opinion. v.1

Some people feel that manufactures and supermarkets have the responsibility to reduce the amount of packaging of foods. Others argue that customers should avoid buying goods with a lot of packaging. v. 1
A huge amount of packaging of commodities can be considered as one of the culprits behind environmental problems. While it is suggested that curbing the increase of the packaging is the responsibility of producers and the store, I advocate that avoiding consumption of excessively packaged goods needs to be taken into consideration. There are some sound reasons why factories and supermarkets have to be responsible for this phenomenon. The first explanation is that if companies change the way to wrap their products, customers have to follow. For example, when all companies minimize the amount of plastic packaging or optimize the use of biodegradable, recyclable or eco-friendly materials, buyers have no choice, which contributes to the decline of packaging. Other than that, it is unnecessary for some products to be over-packaged. For instance, some biscuit brands wrap each biscuit in a small plastic bag before packaging them in a box instead of using the box only. However, consumers can tackle this issue by limit their consumption of products that are inordinately packaged because manufacturers and supermarkets always meet their demand. First of all, citizens do not have habits to bring their own baskets when they go shopping. To make them feel well-served, producer and staffs in stores wrap their products carefully with a lot of plastic bags to facilitate the delivery and preservation. Besides, if consumers have a tendency to boycott environmentally irresponsible companies, they have to change their attitude towards the materials they use to wrap their commodities. All in all, all customers, producers and stores have their own roles to relieve burden on our planet by reduce waste from the packaging of products.
A huge amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
packaging
of commodities can
be considered
as one of the culprits behind environmental problems. While it
is suggested
that curbing the increase of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
packaging
is the responsibility of producers and the store, I advocate that avoiding consumption of
excessively
packaged
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
needs to
be taken
into consideration.

There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
sound reasons why factories and supermarkets
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
be responsible for this phenomenon. The
first
explanation is that if
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
the way to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
wrap
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
, customers
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
follow.
For example
, when all
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
minimize the amount of plastic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
packaging
or optimize the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of biodegradable, recyclable or eco-friendly materials, buyers have no choice, which contributes to the decline of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
packaging
. Other than that, it is unnecessary for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
to be over-packaged.
For instance
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
biscuit brands
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
wrap
each biscuit in a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
plastic bag
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
packaging
them in a box
instead
of using the box
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
.

However
, consumers can tackle this issue by limit their consumption of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
that are
inordinately
packaged
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
manufacturers and supermarkets always
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
their demand.
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, citizens do not have habits to bring their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
baskets when they go shopping. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them feel well-served, producer and staffs in stores
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
wrap
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
carefully
with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
plastic bags to facilitate the delivery and preservation.
Besides
, if consumers have a tendency to boycott
environmentally
irresponsible
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
, they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
their attitude towards the materials they
Make sure that 'use to' is correct. For habitual actions in the past or to mean 'accustomed to', use "used to".
use to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
wrap
their commodities.

All in all, all customers, producers and stores have their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
roles to relieve burden on our planet by
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
waste from the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
packaging
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
15Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people feel that manufactures and supermarkets have the responsibility to reduce the amount of packaging of foods. Others argue that customers should avoid buying goods with a lot of packaging. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
274 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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