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“Some people believe that unpaid community service should be a compulsory part of high school programs (For example working for a charity, improving the neighborhood or teaching sports to younger children). To what extent do you agree or disagree? ” v.7

“Some people believe that unpaid community service should be a compulsory part of high school programs (For example working for a charity, improving the neighborhood or teaching sports to younger children). ” v. 7
There are some individuals, who hold the belief that the secondary school goers should be forced to do community works at a free of cost. In my essay, I will elaborate this issue further and will provide my own opinion, which is it should not be compulsory. I will also demonstrate some the reasons of my belief. First of all, there is no denying of the fact that community service is beneficial for any kind of society. For instance, it teaches the pupils about the reality of life and broaden their knowledge as well as experience. Similarly, local community could also be benefited from these kind of deeds. One good illustration could be students collecting the trash from the street and put it in the designated bins. Nevertheless, it is not practical to make it compulsory for everyone, given the fact that, there will be no payment in exchange. This will have some detrimental effects such as demotivation, not doing the job properly and so on. While demotivation could cause some psychological consequences in their mental growth, by not putting enough attention on any given task will put the community in danger and the purpose of that particular service will be futile. Moreover, 100% of the students’ support might even not be necessary for a small community. Another point worth mentioning is that all the teenagers do not hold the same amount of calibre, so picking the best according to their scope and merit is a good way to go. To conclude, I would say the same as what I have just mentioned earlier that we cannot force someone to do something for free rather it should optionally. It might be a marvellous idea to encourage them to do it, but not wise to make it mandatory.
There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
individuals, who hold the belief that the secondary school goers should
be forced
to do
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
community
works at a free of cost. In my essay, I will elaborate this issue
further
and will provide my
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
opinion, which is it should not be compulsory. I will
also
demonstrate
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
the reasons of my belief.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, there is no denying of the fact that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
community
service is beneficial for any kind of society.
For instance
, it teaches the pupils about the reality of life and broaden their knowledge
as well
as experience.
Similarly
, local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
community
could
also
be benefited
from
Did you mean "this kind" or "these kinds"?
these kind
of deeds. One
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
illustration could be students collecting the trash from the street and put it in the designated bins.

Nevertheless
, it is not practical to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
it compulsory for everyone,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
the fact that, there will be no payment in exchange. This will have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
detrimental effects such as
Possible spelling mistake found.
demotivation
, not doing the job
properly
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on. While
Possible spelling mistake found.
demotivation
could cause
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
psychological consequences in their mental growth, by not putting
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
attention on any
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
task will put the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
community
in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
danger
and the purpose of that particular service will be futile.
Moreover
, 100% of the students’ support might even not be necessary for a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
community.

Another point worth mentioning is that all the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
do not hold the same amount of
Possible spelling mistake. 'calibre' is British English.
calibre
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
picking the best according to their scope and merit is a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
way to go.

To conclude
, I would say the same as what I have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
mentioned earlier that we cannot force someone to do something for free
rather
it should
optionally
. It might be a
Possible spelling mistake. 'marvellous' is British English.
marvellous
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
to encourage them to do it,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
not wise to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
it mandatory.
12Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
4Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
6Mistakes
Learning another language is not only learning different words for the same things, but learning another way to think about things.
Flora Lewis

IELTS essay “Some people believe that unpaid community service should be a compulsory part of high school programs (For example working for a charity, improving the neighborhood or teaching sports to younger children). ” v. 7

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
297 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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