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Some people feel that it is always wrong to keep animals in captivity, for instance in zoos. Other people say that there are benefits for the animals and for humans. Discuss both sides of this debate, and give your personal view v.4

Some people feel that it is always wrong to keep animals in captivity, for instance in zoos. Other people say that there are benefits for the animals and for humans. 4
The history was dominated by capturing of a weaker nation by the stronger one and making humans as slaves. But now as mankind has grown stronger with time; therefore, they have started keeping animals as pets or as an exhibition in zoos. Some critics assert that this is not justified to keep wildlife in prisons for showcasing them, while the others opine that this has some advantages. Both of these aspects will be outlined in the essay and it will end with a conclusion. The most convincing factor to leave animals free in their natural habitat is the mental growth. Since these wild animals are tamed to showcase their specified skills; consequently, they forget their natural way of living. In other words, the animals from a very young age has a pressure from the zoo authorities to learn the artificial activities and get the food as a reward, thereby not able to grasp and sharpen any natural skills. To illustrate this, in the USA a tiger from a zoo was left in a jungle for a week, and he was kept under observation, this tiger was not able to hunt his own food, because he did not learn any natural hunting skills. Moreover, as they have a fixed diet pattern in the zoos, so their growth and physical health is not as strong as the ones in living in the jungle. On the other hand, one of the obvious reasons to keep them in zoos is to preserve the endangered wildlife for the future generations. Owing to the urbanization, the dense vegetation is cut off to accommodate the rising population; as a result, the natural habitat of animals is being destroyed and they are hunted down. For example, a census was done in Gujrat for the population of lions, and it was found that it is reduced by 50% as compared to 2019, India because the jungle area has been reduced by 80%. Furthermore, all of the living creatures are required to maintain the balance of our natural food chain. To conclude, everyone has equal rights to live their life in their own way, so animals should be treated equally as mankind. So, the animals should not be kept in zoos.
The history
was dominated
by capturing of a weaker nation by the stronger one and making humans as slaves.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
as mankind has grown stronger with time;
therefore
, they have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
keeping
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
as pets or as an exhibition in zoos.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
critics assert that this is not justified to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
wildlife in prisons for showcasing them, while the others opine that this has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
advantages. Both of these aspects will
be outlined
in the essay and it will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
with a conclusion.

The most convincing factor to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
free in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
natural
habitat is the mental growth. Since these wild
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
are tamed
to showcase their specified
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
;
consequently
, they forget their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
natural
way of living.
In other words
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
from a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
young age has a pressure from the zoo authorities to learn the artificial activities and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
the food as a reward, thereby not able to grasp and sharpen any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
natural
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
. To illustrate this, in the USA a tiger from a zoo was
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
left
in a jungle for a week, and he was
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
kept
under observation, this tiger was not able to hunt his
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
food,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
he did not learn any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
natural
hunting
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
.
Moreover
, as they have a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fixed
diet pattern in the zoos,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
their growth and physical health is not as strong as the ones in living in the jungle.

On the other hand
, one of the obvious reasons to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
them in zoos is to preserve the endangered wildlife for the future generations. Owing to the urbanization, the dense vegetation is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
cut
off to accommodate the rising population;
as a result
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
natural
habitat of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
is being
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
destroyed and
they
are hunted
down.
For example
, a census
was done
in
Possible spelling mistake found.
Gujrat
for the population of lions, and it
was found
that it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
by 50% as compared to 2019, India
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the jungle area has been
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
by 80%.
Furthermore
,
Consider using "all the".
all of the
living creatures
are required
to maintain the balance of our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
natural
food chain.

To conclude
, everyone has equal rights to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
their life in their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
way,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
should
be treated
Use either "equally" or "as" on its own. When comparing two nouns, use "just as".
equally as
mankind.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
should not be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
kept
in zoos.
8.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8.5Mistakes
You can never understand one language until you understand at least two.
Geoffrey Willans

IELTS essay Some people feel that it is always wrong to keep animals in captivity, for instance in zoos. Other people say that there are benefits for the animals and for humans. 4

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
371 words
8.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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