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Some people feel the it always wrong to keep animals in captivity, for instance, in zoos. Other people say that there are benefits for he animals and for humans. Discuss both sides of this debate and give your opinion. v.1

Some people feel the it always wrong to keep animals in captivity, for instance, in zoos. Other people say that there are benefits for he animals and for humans. v. 1
It is debatable issue that should people preserve animals away from their natural habidats or not interfere the nature at all. While some people argue the process of keeping animals in special zones built by humans in order to protect them, i tend to agree with others who ackowledge the necessity of taking care of animals, even by reducing their freedom. To begin with positives, it is quiet obvious that some involments made by people to the environment might have a detrimental effect on the whole ecosystem. In other words, if scientist start to isolate some indangered species in order to protect them, they will may interrupt environmental circulation. As a result, the nature will probably lose its balance and some severe diseases can spread all over the world. For instanse, a couple of centures ago one of european country decided to eliminate the amount of cats in the city's streets, and this trend lead to appearing severe diseases among people through increased level of rats, as cats were natural barier in balancing the quantity of rats, so without them there was no obstacle in front of the rats. However, the less people do in favor of protecting animals that can be extinct in near future, the more are chances that many species will die out. Many governments has begin to use animals as a source of gaining revenue, such as demonstrating them in zoos for fixed fee. Moreover by creating a place similar to natural habidats of animals, the authorities tend to smooth the isolating process and make less harm to the nature, as animals will still run and smell fresh air but in special zones which is safe for them. For example, there are a lot of natural parks where live a vast variety of endangered species away from the risk of starving and desiases, and in an emergency cases vets will able to give first aid to animals, as they will be located much closer to people. In conclusion, although isolating animals from their natural places of living may bring some serious natural catastrophes as the consequence of interfering the nature's balancing process, it will be quiet beneficial for government to use them as a source of income and for animals also, because these places will be well-equipped with vets and away from food providing problem.
It is debatable issue that should
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
preserve
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
away from their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
natural
Possible spelling mistake found.
habidats
or not interfere the nature at all. While
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
argue the process of keeping
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
in special zones built by humans in order to protect them,
Is this the personal pronoun "I"? It is spelled uppercase.
i
tend to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with others who
Possible spelling mistake found.
ackowledge
the necessity of taking care of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
, even by reducing their freedom.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with positives, it is
Did you mean "quite"? 'quiet' means 'silent', 'quite' mean 'very' or 'to a moderate extent'
quiet
obvious that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
Possible spelling mistake found.
involments
made by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to the environment might have a detrimental effect
on the whole
ecosystem.
In other words
, if scientist
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
to isolate
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
Possible spelling mistake found.
indangered
species in order to protect them, they
Two modal verbs connected. Did you mean: "will, may", "will" or "may"?
will may
interrupt environmental circulation.
As a result
, the nature will
probably
lose its balance and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
severe diseases can spread all over the world. For
Possible spelling mistake found.
instanse
, a couple of
Possible spelling mistake found.
centures
ago one of
Possible spelling mistake found.
european
country decided to eliminate the amount of cats in the city's streets, and this trend lead to appearing severe diseases among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
through increased level of rats, as cats were
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
natural
Possible spelling mistake found.
barier
in balancing the quantity of rats,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
without them there was no obstacle in front of the rats.

However
, the
Did you mean "fewer"? The noun people is countable.
less
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
do in favor of protecting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
that can be extinct in near future, the more are chances that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
species will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
die
out.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
You should probably use "have", "haven".
has
Use past participle here: "begun".
begin
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
as a source of gaining revenue, such as demonstrating them in zoos for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fixed
fee.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Moreover
by creating a place similar to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
natural
Possible spelling mistake found.
habidats
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
, the authorities tend to smooth the isolating process and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
less harm to the nature, as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
will
still
run and smell fresh air
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
in special zones which is safe for them.
For example
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
natural
parks where
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
a vast variety of endangered species away from the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
of starving and
Possible spelling mistake found.
desiases
, and in an emergency cases vets will able to give
first
aid to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
, as they will
be located
much closer to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

In conclusion
, although isolating
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
from their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
natural
places of living may bring
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
serious
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
natural
catastrophes as the consequence of interfering the nature's balancing process, it will be
Did you mean "quite"? 'quiet' means 'silent', 'quite' mean 'very' or 'to a moderate extent'
quiet
beneficial for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
them as a source of income and for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
also
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
these places will be well-equipped with vets and away from food providing problem.
14Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
21Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
18Mistakes
Language is the road map of a culture. It tells you where its people come from and where they are going.
Rita Mae Brown

IELTS essay Some people feel the it always wrong to keep animals in captivity, for instance, in zoos. Other people say that there are benefits for he animals and for humans. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
389 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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