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Some people feel that humans should be able to dig for oil anywhere, as long as it benefits mankind. Other believes that certain areas of land should be reserved for animals use. Which do you think is better? v.1

Some people feel that humans should be able to dig for oil anywhere, as long as it benefits mankind. Other believes that certain areas of land should be reserved for animals use. Which do you think is better? v. 1
There has been a rise in the use of CCTV cameras in most urban areas in order to curb crime rates. Although, it is believed by most individuals that, this method in an invasion on one's privacy. However, I think the benefits of beefing up security measures far outweigh the displeasure felt by the people. It is true that security cameras has contributed significantly to a drop in crime rates. The installation of these gadgets in places such as banks, shopping malls and stores has tremendously decreased the rate of armed robbery. This is because the video footage recorded on these cameras can be used to identify perpetrators and serve as evidence in court to penalise offenders. For example, many homeowners have now installed cameras in their homes. This gives them a sense of reassurance and peace of mind, because the cameras will deter thieves from breaking in. However, despite the security advantages of video cameras, there are some drawbacks such as the restriction of people’s freedom and the ability to manipulate camera footage. People generally want to be free and enjoy their private lives without being monitored. When cameras are installed in almost every corner of the street, people may begin to feel uncomfortable. Also, hidden cameras are not perfect because they can be manipulated or doctored to wrongly accuse an innocent person. For instance, some criminals know where cameras are hidden and they easily avoid them or cover up their faces to escape recognition. In conclusion, although the advent of CCTV cameras has contributed to a drop in crime rates, It is also being used to invade people's privacy, thus denying people of their freedom in the society.
There has been a rise in the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of CCTV
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cameras
in most urban areas in order to curb crime
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rates
. Although, it
is believed
by most individuals that, this method in an invasion on one's privacy.
However
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
the benefits of beefing up security measures far outweigh the displeasure felt by the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

It is true that security
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cameras
has contributed
significantly
to a drop in crime
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rates
. The installation of these gadgets in places such as banks, shopping malls and stores has
tremendously
decreased the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rate
of armed robbery. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the video footage recorded on these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cameras
can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to identify perpetrators and serve as evidence in court to
Possible spelling mistake. 'penalise' is British English.
penalise
offenders.
For example
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
homeowners have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
installed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cameras
in their homes. This gives them a sense of reassurance and peace of mind,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cameras
will deter thieves from breaking in.

However
, despite the security advantages of video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cameras
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
drawbacks such as the restriction of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
freedom and the ability to manipulate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
camera
footage.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
generally
want to be free and enjoy their private
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
without
being monitored
. When
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cameras
are installed
in almost every corner of the street,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
to feel uncomfortable.
Also
, hidden
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cameras
are not perfect
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they can
be manipulated
or doctored to
wrongly
accuse an innocent person.
For instance
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
criminals know where
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cameras
are
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
hidden and
they
easily
avoid them or cover up their faces to escape recognition.

In conclusion
, although the advent of CCTV
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cameras
has contributed to a drop in crime
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rates
, It is
also
being
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to invade
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's privacy,
thus
denying
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
of their freedom in the society.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people feel that humans should be able to dig for oil anywhere, as long as it benefits mankind. Other believes that certain areas of land should be reserved for animals use. Which do you think is better? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
280 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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