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our family is going to move to another town. Write a letter to the Principal of a local school asking if they will accept your son. In the letter: •explain why you would like your son to attend this school•describe his past academic achievements•desc v.1

our family is going to move to another town. Write a letter to the Principal of a local school asking if they will accept your son. In the letter: •explain why you would like your son to attend this school•describe his past academic achievements•desc v. 1
Money is often used as a parameter to define happiness. It is commonly believed that the primary source of joyfulness is immense wealth. People feel that money can fulfil all their desires and thus lead to happy living. This essay will discuss why some individuals hold this viewpoint and what other ways bring joy in life. To embark upon, being rich makes people capable of buying tangible things that are required to lead a luxurious life. Those who feel a sense of happiness in fulfilling their materialistic desires are the ones who opine that money is all that a man needs to be happy. To cite an example, many people run a rat race for their entire life to gain more and more wealth in order to buy a luxury car and a bungalow. This is all that makes them happy because being wealthy gives them a better lifestyle and better standard of living. However, not everyone feels joy in having heaps of money. Happiness cannot be defined since it is relative. Developing a sense of satisfaction is what makes people live life joyfully. If individuals feel satisfied with what they have in life and are not unhappy about what they do not have, this will definitely make their life happier. In addition to this, good health results in contentment. For instance, for a person suffering from a serious illness, better health is the biggest happiness of life. Furthermore, setting realistic goals in life can help individuals achieve pleasure. This is due to the reason that when people fail in achieving their unrealistic plans, they feel sorrowful. In conclusion, although money matters the most for a few individuals who believe that it can buy everything they need to lead a comfortable life, there are many other factors that bring joyfulness to the lives of other people. Good health and realistic goals are some of them.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Money
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
as a parameter to define
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happiness
. It is
commonly
believed that the primary source of joyfulness is immense wealth.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
feel
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
can fulfil all their desires and
thus
lead to happy living. This essay will discuss why
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individuals
hold this viewpoint and what other ways bring joy in life.

To embark upon, being rich
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
makes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
capable of buying tangible things that
are required
to lead a luxurious
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
. Those who
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
feel
a sense of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happiness
in fulfilling their materialistic desires are the ones who opine that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
is all that a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
man
needs to be happy. To cite an example,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
run a rat race for their entire
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
to gain more and more wealth in order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
a luxury car and a bungalow. This is all that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
makes
them happy
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
being wealthy gives them a better lifestyle and better standard of living.

However
, not everyone
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
feels
joy in having heaps of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Happiness
cannot
be defined
since it is relative. Developing a sense of satisfaction is what
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
makes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
joyfully
. If
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individuals
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
feel
satisfied with what they have in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
and are not unhappy about what they do not have, this will definitely
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
happier.
In addition
to this,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
health results in contentment.
For instance
, for a person suffering from a serious illness, better health is the biggest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happiness
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
.
Furthermore
, setting realistic goals in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individuals
achieve pleasure. This is due to the reason that when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
fail in achieving their unrealistic plans, they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
feel
sorrowful.

In conclusion
, although
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
matters the most for a few
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individuals
who believe that it can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
everything they need to lead a comfortable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
other factors that bring joyfulness to the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
of other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Good
health and realistic goals are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
of them.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay our family is going to move to another town. Write a letter to the Principal of a local school asking if they will accept your son. In the letter: •explain why you would like your son to attend this school•describe his past academic achievements•desc v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
315 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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