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Some people feel that entertainers such as film stars, pop musicians or sports stars are paid too much money. Do you agree or disagree? Which other types of job should be highly paid? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. You should write at least 250 words. v.3

Entertainment is a need of almost every person, around the globe. As technology is evolving day by day, the entertainment industry is also growing up. It is the thought of some people, that entertainers like film stars, pop musicians or, sports stars are paid much higher wages than they deserve. I agree with the people's thought to some extent. To start with, entertaining people is not an easy task. Entertainers put a lot of effort and dedication, after that, an entertainment-source is provided to us, like taking the example of filmmakers, firstly a film-producer produces the idea and story, then a writer composes dialogues, which a film-star says in a film. Likewise, cameramen and much more people work hard and it results in an entertainment source (a film). The Same hard work goes with a pop-musician and other sports stars. So paying them stabilized salary might be sufficient but not much higher than they deserve. However, on the other hand, other deserving candidates like degree holders(doctors, engineers, sales accountants, service managers, and others) are paid much fewer fares than their merit. Engineer studies around four years to be an engineer, similarly, a doctor takes six years of their education to claim their degree. In conclusion, entertainers must be appreciated and awarded what they own, and similarly, engineers, sales accountant, and other degree holders must be highlighted and should get higher wages because they provide the basic solutions of life, in contrast, entertainment is the secondary solution that entertainers provide.
Entertainment is a need of almost every person, around the globe. As technology is evolving day by day, the entertainment industry is
also
growing up. It is the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
, that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
entertainers
like film stars, pop musicians or, sports stars
are paid
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
much
higher wages than they deserve. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
extent.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
with, entertaining
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
is not an easy task.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Entertainers
put
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
effort and dedication, after that, an entertainment-source
is provided
to us, like taking the example of filmmakers,
firstly
a film-producer produces the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
and story, then a writer composes dialogues, which a film-star says in a film.
Likewise
, cameramen and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
much
more
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
work
Use a comma before ‘and’ if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
hard and
it results in an entertainment source (a film). The Same
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
work goes with a pop-musician and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
sports stars.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
paying them stabilized salary might be sufficient
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
much
higher than they deserve.

However
, on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
deserving candidates like degree holders(doctors,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
engineers
, sales accountants, service managers,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
and others
)
are paid
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
much
fewer fares than their merit.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Engineer
studies around four years to be an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
engineer
,
similarly
, a doctor takes six years of their education to claim their degree.

In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
entertainers
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be appreciated
and awarded what they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
, and
similarly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
engineers
, sales accountant, and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
degree holders
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be highlighted
and should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
higher wages
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they provide the basic solutions of life,
in contrast
, entertainment is the secondary solution that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
entertainers
provide.
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IELTS essay Some people feel that entertainers such as film stars, pop musicians or sports stars are paid too much money. Which other types of job should be highly paid?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
249 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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