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Some people feel that entertainers such as film stars, pop musicians or sports stars are paid too much money. Do you agree or disagree? Which other types of job should be highly paid? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. v.7

Some people feel that entertainers such as film stars, pop musicians or sports stars are paid too much money. Which other types of job should be highly paid? v. 7
It is a common knowledge that entertainers such as film stars, singers, athletes, and movie directors are one of the highest paid people in the world. Some think that this is unfair as these jobs do not account for the six figure number paychecks usually paid for them. However, I disagree with this point of view and will explain the reasons in the essay below. Famous people are talented individuals who have dedicated their whole lives to hone their talent. Most of these A-stars will divulge that the secret to their success is a rigid training schedule that made them miss countless birthday parties, weekend outings, and summer vacations. Serena Williams, the famous American tennis player, once mentioned that she used to train for four hours, seven days a week ever since she was five years old. That is the level of committment these people invest in their careers, and I think this dedication and sacrifice of a normal childhood is priceless. On the other hand, some critics would argue that there are far more noble jobs that are grossly underpaid such as teaching and counselling. Moreover, these job have a crucial purpose of shaping the minds of future generations. Although these claims are understandable, this does not undermine the fact that fame comes with a tremendous sacrifice of perosnal live. For example, most of these entertainers have their lives splashed in tabloids or constantly followed by papparazzi and zealous fans. In conclusion, being famous comes at a great price of both physical training and personal freedom; thus, it is only fair for individuals involved to be highly paid. This does not diminish the unfairness of the fact that there are jobs such as the ones involved in education that are hugely underpaid.
It is
a common knowledge
that entertainers such as film stars, singers, athletes, and movie directors are one of the highest paid
people
in the world.
Some
think
that this is unfair as these
jobs
do not account for the
six figure
number paychecks
usually
paid for them.
However
, I disagree with this point of view and will
explain
the reasons in the essay below.

Famous
people
are talented
individuals who have dedicated their whole
lives
to hone their talent. Most of these A-stars will divulge that the secret to their success is a rigid training schedule that made them miss countless birthday parties, weekend outings, and summer vacations. Serena Williams, the
famous
American tennis player, once mentioned that she
used
to train for four hours, seven days a week ever since she was five years
old
.
That is
the level of
committment
these
people
invest in their careers, and I
think
this dedication and sacrifice of a normal childhood is priceless.

On the other hand
,
some
critics would argue that there are far more noble
jobs
that are
grossly
underpaid such as teaching and counselling.
Moreover
, these
job
have a crucial purpose of shaping the minds of future generations. Although these claims are understandable, this does not undermine the fact that fame
comes
with a tremendous sacrifice of
perosnal
live
.
For example
, most of these entertainers have their
lives
splashed in tabloids or
constantly
followed by
papparazzi
and zealous fans.

In conclusion
, being
famous
comes
at a great price of both physical training and personal freedom;
thus
, it is
only
fair
for individuals involved to be
highly
paid. This does not diminish the unfairness of the fact that there are
jobs
such as the ones involved in education that are
hugely
underpaid.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
4Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Mistakes
Language is the blood of the soul into which thoughts run and out of which they grow.
Oliver Wendell Holmes

IELTS essay Some people feel that entertainers such as film stars, pop musicians or sports stars are paid too much money. Which other types of job should be highly paid? v. 7

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
293 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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