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Some people feel that entertainers such as film stars, pop musicians or sports stars are paid too much money. Do you agree or disagree? Which other types of job should be highly paid? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. You should write at least 250 words. v.2

The advancement of entertainment industries has developed rapidly. As a consequence, the increasing salary for the entertainers is inevitable leading to a big gap with the other profession. Many people might consider that the fees is overrated as the film stars, pop musicians, or sports stars could not contribute for the other people needs and many professions do. I personally agree with this point of view due to social issues and inequalities problem. Social issue is the main issue for the wide earning differences between entertainers and others. Although it might be apparent that becoming an entertainers is a tough process and should be paid with the higher earning, the other profession could not be disregarded. Numerous of jobs have given a decent contribution to the country. For instance, during the Covid-19 pandemic, medical industries such as doctors and nurses have given a considerable assistance for the government by helping the infectious people. In addition, these profession also difficult to achieve as a high level of education is needed. As a consequence, people might be envy to the entertainers and cause a detrimental effect to social life because people may not willing to follow the other career prospect. Another point is about inequalities problem. The higher the entertainer's earning, the wider the gap between rich and poor people. This gap, in a broader view, is called an inequalities which measured by "Gini Ratio". For example, Indonesia gini ratio levelled off at 3, 82 points because there were a wide variety of earning between the rich and the poor. Finally, the inequality could be worse and lead another problem such as crime. As a conclusion, high payment rewarded to artists might cause a damaging effect to the social. To solve this problem, the government and industries ought to limit the maximum payment for each profession.
The advancement of entertainment industries has developed
rapidly
. As a consequence, the increasing salary for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
entertainers
is inevitable leading to a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
gap with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
profession
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
might
consider that the fees
is overrated
as the film stars, pop musicians, or sports stars could not contribute for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
If ‘people’ is plural here, don’t use the third-person singular verb.
needs
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
professions
do. I
personally
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this point of view due to social issues and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
inequalities
problem.

Social issue is the main issue for the wide
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
earning
differences between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
entertainers
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
and others
. Although it
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
might
be apparent that becoming an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
entertainers
is a tough process and should
be paid
with the higher
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
earning
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
profession
could not
be disregarded
. Numerous of jobs have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
a decent contribution to the country.
For instance
, during the Covid-19 pandemic, medical industries such as doctors and nurses have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
a considerable assistance for the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
by helping the infectious
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
In addition
, these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
profession
also
difficult to achieve as a high level of education
is needed
. As a consequence,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
might
be envy to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
entertainers
and cause a detrimental effect to social life
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
may not
The modal verb ‘may’ requires the verb’s base form.
willing
to follow the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
career prospect.

Another point is about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
inequalities
problem. The higher the entertainer's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
earning
, the wider the gap between rich and poor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. This gap, in a broader view,
is called
an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
inequalities
which measured by
Use a smart opening quote here.
"
Possible spelling mistake found.
Gini
Ratio
Use a smart closing quote here.
"
.
For example
, Indonesia
Possible spelling mistake found.
gini
ratio levelled off at 3, 82 points
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
there were a wide variety of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
earning
between the rich and the poor.
Finally
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
inequality
could be worse and lead another problem such as crime.

As a conclusion, high payment rewarded to artists
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
might
cause a damaging effect to the social. To solve this problem, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
and industries ought to limit the maximum payment for each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
profession
.
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IELTS essay Some people feel that entertainers such as film stars, pop musicians or sports stars are paid too much money. Which other types of job should be highly paid?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
304 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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