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Some people feel that entertainers such as film stars, pop musicians or sports stars are paid too much money. Do you agree or disagree? v.9

Nowadays, showbiz is becoming more popular. The number of people are getting increased in entertainment industry. It is argued that these entertainers are being paid huge ransom of money for their jobs. Firstly, many celebrities in fields such as movies music and sports are having million number of followers and often considered icons of the country. Some people are being paid higher remunerations for contribution of their work rather than expected. For example, One of the famous film star appeared in an advertisement who showed his fit body for advertising a protein powder for which he is getting a high pay cheque for his small role. Secondly, there are many jobs in the outside world rather than entertainment profession such as policemen, teachers, doctors etc who need high increments for their tremendous contributions to the society For instance, Being an army officer is a job associated with major high risks due to which they may loose their lives for the country, so they have to be well paid to for the amount of the work they are doing for the nation. In Conclusion, not only film stars, musicians etc, the government have to increase the salaries of all sorts of jobs on whom the future of the country is dependent such as doctors, policemen and teachers they should be paid a sound salary so that they can lead a good life and give best service to the society

Nowadays, showbiz is becoming more popular. The number of This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :individualsnationsociety
people
Did you mean "is"?is
are
 getting increased in entertainment industry. It is argued
 that these entertainers are being You use this word too often, consider replacing it withsalariedcompensated
paid
 huge ransom of money for their jobs.

Firstly
, This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:a plethora ofa number ofnumerous
many
 celebrities in fields such as movies music and sports are having Use "a million" or use a number before 'million'.a million
million
 number of followers and This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:frequently
often
 considered icons of the country. This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:a number of
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :individualsnationsociety
people
 are being You use this word too often, consider replacing it withsalariedcompensated
paid
 higher remunerations for contribution of their work rather
 than This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :anticipated
expected
. For example
,

One of the This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:well-known
famous
 film star appeared in an advertisement who This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :demonstratedportrayedindicateddisplayed
showed
 his fit body for advertising a protein powder for which he is getting a high pay Possible spelling mistake. 'cheque' is British English.check
cheque
 for his This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:tiny
small
 role.

Secondly
, there are This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:a plethora ofa number ofnumerous
many
 jobs in the outside world rather
 than entertainment profession such as policemen, teachers, doctors etc who need high increments for their tremendous contributions to the society For instance
, Being an army officer is a job associated with major high This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :hazardsdangers
risks
 due to which they may Did you mean "lose" (= miss, waste, suffer the loss etc.)?lose
loose
 their This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :resides
lives
 for the country, This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:consequently
so
 they This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:ought to
have to
 be well You use this word too often, consider replacing it withsalariedcompensated
paid
 to for the amount of the work they are doing for the nation.

In Conclusion
, not This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :exclusively
only
 film stars, musicians etc, the This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :national authoritypublic authority
government
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:ought to
have to
 increase the salaries of all sorts of jobs on whom the future of the country is dependent such as doctors, policemen and teachers they should be You use this word too often, consider replacing it withsalariedcompensated
paid
 a sound salary This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:consequently
so
 that they can lead a This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :beneficialproduct
good
 life and A determiner is probably missing here: "give the best".give the best
give best
 service to the society