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Improvements in Health, Education and Trade are essential for development of poorer nations. Howe ever, the governments of richer nations should take more responsibility for helping the poorer nations in such areas. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement? v.1

Improvements in Health, Education and Trade are essential for development of poorer nations. Howe ever, the governments of richer nations should take more responsibility for helping the poorer nations in such areas. with this statement? v. 1
The economic growth of few backward countries between the world, is still striving towards the enhancement of peoples Literacy rate, Medical facilities & Globalizing with other nations. The goals are set, but there is no proper guidance & lack of resources; ending up with hopeless situations. Few wealthy nations should come forward and help them to lead a minimal human life. In this essay I would like to suggest, that there is a humongous requirement for the nations leading a life which is far beyond the present standards of living. There are some nations in today’s world, which are desperately in need of help to enrich their lives, by developing the Education Systems, Hospital Facilities & Business Trades. People among these nations has felt the awareness, in improvising their society and this could be achieved only by developing themselves & their standard of living. For instance, if we have a glance at a few areas of Africa, there are people who are disconnected with the existing world, and they are not aware of what is going on outside of their living boundaries. On humanitarian grounds the peoples life over here should be enlightened by facilitating them the basic human needs. On the other hand, there are many countries; rich in resources, leading a prominent position among the rest of the country. As a part of Globalization, these countries should voluntarily come forward, dedicate funds towards social welfare development of the undeveloped nations. For example, few charitable trusts, all across the globe; started initiating by collecting funds for the urbanization of the remote colonies in a particular nation. The idea of serving the poor nations is incredible, and everyone should appreciate the nation's efforts towards humanity. In totality, it is the responsibility of each individual of the nations; which are powerful, in contributing help and service, to gather the lives of people who are living in darkness to light
The economic growth of few backward
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
between the world, is
still
striving towards the enhancement of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
peoples
Literacy rate, Medical facilities & Globalizing with other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
. The goals
are set
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
there is no proper guidance & lack of resources; ending up with hopeless situations. Few wealthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
forward and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them to lead a minimal human life. In this essay I would like to suggest, that there is a humongous requirement for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
leading a life which is far beyond the present standards of living.

There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
’s world, which are
desperately
in need of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to enrich their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
, by developing the Education Systems, Hospital Facilities & Business Trades.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
among these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
has felt the awareness, in improvising their society and this could
be achieved
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
by developing themselves & their standard of living.
For instance
, if we have a glance at a few areas of Africa, there are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who
are disconnected
with the existing world, and they are not aware of what is going on
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "outside".
outside of
their living boundaries. On humanitarian grounds the
Apostrophe might be missing. Did you mean "peoples'" or "people's"?
peoples
life over here should
be enlightened
by facilitating them the basic human needs.

On the other hand
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
; rich in resources, leading a prominent position among the rest of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
. As a part of Globalization, these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
should
voluntarily
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
forward, dedicate funds towards social welfare development of the undeveloped
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
.
For example
, few charitable trusts, all across the globe;
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
initiating by collecting funds for the urbanization of the remote colonies in a particular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nation
. The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
of serving the poor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
is incredible, and everyone should appreciate the nation's efforts towards humanity.

In totality, it is the responsibility of each individual of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
; which are powerful, in contributing
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
and service, to gather the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who are living in darkness to light
4Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
18Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes
With languages, you are at home anywhere.
Edward De Waal

IELTS essay Improvements in Health, Education and Trade are essential for development of poorer nations. Howe ever, the governments of richer nations should take more responsibility for helping the poorer nations in such areas. with this statement? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
317 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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