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It’s too expensive to look after and repair old buildings. Thus money should be spent on building modern buildings instead. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.1

It’s too expensive to look after and repair old buildings. Thus money should be spent on building modern buildings instead. v. 1
Most societies have a department which is supposed to observe and take care of old buildings and try to sustain them and do not let them to be ruined. However, there is a debate that is that a way of wasting fund to spend money on those buildings or investing cash is an essential way to preserve a visual part of our culture. As it was mentioned above, there are two points of view, an aspect believes that by growing population and in Order to improving and raising the life quality, all the budgets of researching and developing of urbanization should be spent on building new constructions. So, more investing check leads to achieve more modern city. In this point of view, not only saving old cultural or traditional buildings are not vital, although they believe demolishing them and building new ones is the only way to make a progress. On the other hand, there is another group who believes that taking after of an old building is not just Maintaining a building, also it plays an impressive role to survive a culture and civilization. So, our next generation can see how our ancestors were thinking or what was their architecture methods, instead of just reading about that in books. It is considerable that a major part of people believe in the necessity of sustaining those buildings because our children have the right to see these fascinating places as we are able to see. Altogether, trying to save by repairing them, if they are showing a culture or an old method of architecture is necessary, since we must let our next generation be aware of our ancient history and this old building have a strong impact on this awareness, even though improving a society is achieved by making a modern country.
Most societies have a department which
is supposed
to observe and take care of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buildings
and try to sustain them and do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
let
them to
be ruined
.
However
, there is a debate
that is
that a way of wasting fund to spend money on those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buildings
or investing cash is an essential way to preserve a visual part of our culture.

As it
was mentioned
above, there are two points of view, an aspect
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believes
that by growing population and in

Order to
Did you mean "improve"?
improving
and raising the life quality, all the budgets of researching and developing of urbanization should
be spent
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
building
new constructions.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, more investing
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
check
leads to achieve more modern city. In this point of view, not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
saving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
cultural or traditional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buildings
are not vital, although they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
demolishing them and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
building
new ones is the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
way to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
Uncountable nouns are usually not used with an indefinite article. Use simply "progress".
a progress
.

On the other hand
, there is another group who
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believes
that taking after of an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
building
is not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just


Maintaining a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
building
,
also
it plays an impressive role to survive a culture and civilization.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, our
next
generation can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
how our ancestors were thinking or what was their architecture methods,
instead
of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
reading about that in books. It is considerable that a major part of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
in the necessity of sustaining those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buildings
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
our children have the right to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
these fascinating places as we are able to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
.

Altogether, trying to save by repairing them, if they are showing a culture or an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
method of architecture is necessary, since we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
let
our
next
generation be aware of our ancient history and this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
building
have a strong impact on this awareness,
even though
improving a society
is achieved
by making a modern country.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
18Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes
Learning is a treasure that will follow its owner everywhere.
Chinese Proverb

IELTS essay It’s too expensive to look after and repair old buildings. Thus money should be spent on building modern buildings instead. v. 1

Essay
  American English
6 paragraphs
301 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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