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13/6/2015: With many problems of transport and accommodation in cities, some governments are encouraging businesses to move to rural areas. Do you think the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages? v.2

13/6/2015: With many problems of transport and accommodation in cities, some governments are encouraging businesses to move to rural areas. Do you think the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages? v. 2
It is comprehensible that some local authorities commit to relocating the economic regions to rural areas because of several controversial issues from infrastructure and traffic overload in the inner cities. Although there are a handful of drawbacks in this case, I strongly claim that the advantages still surpass the disadvantages. On the one hand, there are two prime reasons for the situation that governments should transfer economic areas from metropolises to the countryside. Firstly, accompanying with the prosperity of socio-economy, the mushrooming of many skyscrapers and buildings has become a problematic issue of nations. Therefore, it may pose a serious threat to the construction structure of the cities without the government’s attention. Secondly, citizens in big cities may feel frustrated due to the vigorous growth of vehicles such as private cars or mass transit. Hanoi perfectly exemplifies this circumstance, metropolitans have to suffer from traffic congestion everyday which leads to the recession of work quality. On the other hand, in spite of the fact that this relocation may make a breakthrough in the improvement of urban traffic, there are still weaknesses in some aspects. One of them is that the politicians may invest a significant amount of money to implement this plan. As a result, the government budget will be the most vulnerable to financial burden because this campaign comprises a host of potential risks as well as the price is extremely exorbitant. Additionally, workers have to travel further distances than before and it may exert a negative effect to their working time. For instance, if people move too far to work, their personal time will be jeopardized which result in various issues such as stress or accidents. Consequently, these improvements will receive criticism for carrying out from both office workers and enterprises. To conclude, many people are skeptical the effectiveness of transferring economic zones from inner cities to rural areas but I wholly believe that the benefits still outperform the drawbacks.
It is comprehensible that
some
local authorities commit to relocating the economic regions to rural areas
because
of several controversial issues from infrastructure and traffic overload in the inner
cities
. Although there are a
handful
of drawbacks
in this case
, I
strongly
claim that the advantages
still
surpass the disadvantages.

On the one hand, there are two prime reasons for the situation that
governments
should transfer economic areas from metropolises to the countryside.
Firstly
,
accompanying with
the prosperity of
socio-economy
, the mushrooming of
many
skyscrapers and buildings has become a problematic issue of nations.
Therefore
, it may pose a serious threat to the construction structure of the
cities
without the
government
’s attention.
Secondly
, citizens in
big
cities
may feel frustrated due to the vigorous growth of vehicles such as private cars or mass transit. Hanoi
perfectly
exemplifies this circumstance, metropolitans
have to
suffer from traffic congestion
everyday
which leads to the recession of work quality.

On the other hand
,
in spite of
the fact that this relocation may
make
a breakthrough in the improvement of urban traffic, there are
still
weaknesses in
some
aspects. One of them is that the politicians may invest a significant amount of money to implement this plan.
As a result
, the
government
budget will be the most vulnerable to financial burden
because
this campaign comprises a host of potential
risks
as well
as the price is
extremely
exorbitant.
Additionally
, workers
have to
travel
further
distances than
before
and it may exert a
negative
effect to their working time.
For instance
, if
people
move
too far to work, their personal time will
be jeopardized
which result in various issues such as
stress
or accidents.
Consequently
, these improvements will receive criticism for carrying out from both office workers and enterprises.

To conclude
,
many
people
are skeptical the effectiveness of transferring economic zones from inner
cities
to rural areas
but
I wholly believe that the benefits
still
outperform the drawbacks.
17Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
4Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes

IELTS essay 13/6/2015: With many problems of transport and accommodation in cities, some governments are encouraging businesses to move to rural areas. Do you think the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages? v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
322 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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