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In some country young people are encouraged to work or travel for a year between finishing high school and starting university studies. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages for young people who decide to do this. v.1

In some country young people are encouraged to work or travel for a year between finishing high school and starting university studies. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages for young people who decide to do this. v. 1
Many people hold the belief that young individuals should take a break before pursuing higher education at university. Doing this can have both positive and negative effects. There are several benefits that can be reaped from having a break from studying after graduating from high school. Indeed, by entering the workforce, youngsters can expose themselves to the working environment and thus gain valuable hands-on experience. The merit of this is that they are able to put their academic study into perspective when they take university courses later. By way of illustration, students majoring in business administration can better imagine how accounting theories and standards are applied in proper context if they have previous experience in reading financial statements and handling transactions as a cashier. Another advantage to be taken into account is that by spending time visiting different places during their gap year, high school students can broaden their horizons and therefore have better personal resources to draw on, which is a very important factor regarding coping with the challenges of university life. On the other hand, this trend can do serious harm to young adults as they may end up never returning to their studies or finding it difficult to re-adapt to the academic environment. In fact, it is often said that taking a year out before starting a degree course allows a young person to take part in dissolute activities. These activities may take a heavy toll on the student’s performance by undermining their physical and mental health. Moreover, such activities could be a waste of time. As a result, students may fall behind with their study and therefore fail to meet requirements for university, hence dropping out of college. For instance, many Vietnamese students result in failing the university entrance exam as they are unable to utilize this time to do a thorough preparation. In conclusion, while taking a gap year before college can be beneficial, it also has several drawbacks.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
hold the belief that young individuals should take a break
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
pursuing higher education at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
. Doing this can have both
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
effects.

There are several benefits that can
be reaped
from having a break from studying after graduating from high school.
Indeed
, by entering the workforce, youngsters can expose themselves to the working environment and
thus
gain valuable hands-on experience. The merit of this is that they are able to put their academic study into perspective when they take
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
courses later. By way of illustration,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
majoring in business administration can better imagine how accounting theories and standards
are applied
in proper context if they have previous experience in reading financial statements and handling transactions as a cashier. Another advantage to
be taken
into account is that by spending time visiting
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
places during their gap year, high school
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
can broaden their horizons and
therefore
have better personal resources to draw on, which is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
factor regarding coping with the challenges of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
life.

On the other hand
, this trend can do serious harm to young adults as they may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
up never returning to their studies or finding it difficult to re-adapt to the academic environment. In fact, it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
said that taking a year out
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
starting a degree course
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allows
a young person to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
take part
in dissolute activities. These activities may take a heavy toll on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student’s
performance by undermining their physical and mental health.
Moreover
, such activities could be a waste of time.
As a result
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
may fall behind with their study and
therefore
fail to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
requirements for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
,
hence
dropping out of college.
For instance
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
Vietnamese
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
result in failing the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
entrance exam as they are unable to utilize this time to do a thorough preparation.

In conclusion
, while taking a gap year
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
college can be beneficial, it
also
has several drawbacks.
13Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
10Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Mistakes
Language is not a genetic gift, it is a social gift. Learning a new language is becoming a member of the club – the community of speakers of that language.
Frank Smith

IELTS essay In some country young people are encouraged to work or travel for a year between finishing high school and starting university studies. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages for young people who decide to do this. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
324 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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