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Some people feel that entertainers such as film stars, pop musicians or sports stars are paid too much money. Do you agree or disagree? Which other types of job should be highly paid? v.17

Some people feel that entertainers such as film stars, pop musicians or sports stars are paid too much money. Which other types of job should be highly paid? v. 17
It's believed by some people that those, who work in the entertainment industry such as movie stars, music makers or sports players are highly paid. In fact, I totally agree with that. Moreover, there are other types of jobs that should be getting high salaries, including scientists, doctors and teachers. Indeed, entertainers are classified among one of the best paid professions all over the world. Furthermore, they get too much money from both producers and sponsors. For instance, Christiano Ronaldo was given two billion Australian pounds for showing up in his last advertising campaign for a well-known shaving brand. Therefore, it's accurate that actors, song makers and football players are highly appreciated when it comes to their salaries. On the contrary, other, more important, but unfortunately much less appreciated people are financially struggling such as health care workers, science researchers or teachers. In addition, they don't even have half the money given to employees in other careers. For example, in Germany, doctors are paid less than artists. Another example is, in Korea, singers are getting more money than any other job in the country. Consequently, although these people have significant roles in their society, their financial worth is underestimated. In conclusion, some of us feel that those entertainers, whose jobs are either making a film or an album are getting too much money. Similarly, I think the same too. Despite their important value, scientists, the medical staff and the teaching staff should be paid more than what they currently get.
It's believed by
some
people
that those, who work in the entertainment industry such as movie stars, music makers or sports players are
highly
paid
. In fact, I
totally
agree
with that.
Moreover
, there are
other
types of jobs that should be getting high salaries, including scientists, doctors and teachers.

Indeed
, entertainers
are classified
among one of the best
paid
professions all over the world.
Furthermore
, they
get
too much
money
from both producers and sponsors.
For instance
,
Christiano
Ronaldo was
given
two billion Australian pounds for showing up in his last advertising campaign for a well-known shaving brand.
Therefore
, it's accurate that actors, song makers and football players are
highly
appreciated when it
comes
to their salaries.

On the contrary
,
other
, more
important
,
but
unfortunately much less appreciated
people
are
financially
struggling such as health care workers, science researchers or teachers.
In addition
, they don't even have half the
money
given
to employees in
other
careers.
For example
, in Germany, doctors are
paid
less than artists. Another example is, in Korea, singers are getting more
money
than any
other
job in the country.
Consequently
, although these
people
have significant roles in their society, their financial worth
is underestimated
.

In conclusion
,
some
of us feel that those entertainers, whose jobs are either making a film or an album are getting too much
money
.
Similarly
, I
think
the same too. Despite their
important
value, scientists, the medical staff and the teaching staff should be
paid
more than what they
currently
get
.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
9Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
9Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people feel that entertainers such as film stars, pop musicians or sports stars are paid too much money. Which other types of job should be highly paid? v. 17

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
250 words
9
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 9.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 9.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 9.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 9.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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