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With the recent development in technology like e-books, some people feel that printed media like books, newspapers, and magazine will soon be a thing of the past. Others feel that those form of media will never disappear. Discuss both views and give your opinion! v.1

With the recent development in technology like e-books, some people feel that printed media like books, newspapers, and magazine will soon be a thing of the past. Others feel that those form of media will never disappear. 1
For the time being, it is conceded that advance technology starts to explore every aspects globally ranging from lifestyles to daily needs. Hi-tech devices have changed the way of receiving information in peoples live. Some mortals claim that printed media like books, newspapers, and magazines would be left, while others argue that such media will continue to exist. Both of views would be elaborated before my opinion is given. On the one hand, those who agree with the previous argument, assume that e-books have greater simplicity than printed media. It is because people could be able to access for their favourable literatures at will. For instance, mobile phone, sophisticated technology, could be a personal extensive library, namely user-friendliness. By contrast, traditional books need a larger space to carry compared to e-books in hand phone. People become indolence owing to strenuous activity. Hence, a great number of readers tend to access the information or reading materials from e-books due to the simplicity. On the other hand, it is undeniable that a numerous of conventional printed media may still last and would not be replaced since such media have unique character. It is because printed materials evoke a definite feeling by touching. To illustrate, written words in books that are highlighted by a person would retain vivid memories. Furthermore, Traditional books are immensely readable. In other words, those kind of materials prevents harm from radiation to eyes healthiness. Consequently, it seems that printed materials have more superior compared to e-books. To sum up, some are convinced that e-book, sophisticated technology, will eradicate conventional publications owing to the simplicity. However, I firmly believe that magazines, books, and newspapers will still remain their existence, since they had valuable points.
For the time being, it
is conceded
that advance technology
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
starts
to explore every
The noun should be probably in the singular form: "aspect"?
aspects
globally ranging from lifestyles to daily needs. Hi-tech devices have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
the way of receiving information in peoples
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
mortals claim that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
printed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
like
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
, newspapers, and magazines would be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
left
, while others argue that such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
will continue to exist. Both of views would
be elaborated
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
my opinion is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
.

On the one hand, those who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the previous argument, assume that e-books have greater simplicity than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
printed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
. It is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
could be able to access for their
Possible spelling mistake. 'favourable' is British English.
favourable
literatures at will.
For instance
, mobile phone, sophisticated technology, could be a personal extensive library,
namely
user-friendliness. By contrast, traditional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
need a larger space to carry compared to e-books in hand phone.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
become indolence owing to strenuous activity.
Hence
, a great number of readers tend to access the information or reading
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
materials
from e-books due to the simplicity.

On the other hand
, it is undeniable that
The phrase 'a numerous of' is not correct. Use a noun, not an adjective, between 'a' and 'of'.
a numerous of
conventional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
printed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
may
still
last and would not
be replaced
since such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
have unique character. It is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
printed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
materials
evoke a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
definite
feeling by touching. To illustrate, written words in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
that
are highlighted
by a person would retain vivid memories.
Furthermore
, Traditional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
are
immensely
readable.
In other words
,
Did you mean "this kind" or "those kinds"?
those kind
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
materials
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevents
harm from radiation to eyes healthiness.
Consequently
, it seems that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
printed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
materials
have more superior compared to e-books.

To sum up,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
are convinced
that e-book, sophisticated technology, will eradicate conventional publications owing to the simplicity.
However
, I
firmly
believe that magazines,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
, and newspapers will
still
remain their existence, since they had valuable points.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
9Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
9Mistakes

IELTS essay With the recent development in technology like e-books, some people feel that printed media like books, newspapers, and magazine will soon be a thing of the past. Others feel that those form of media will never disappear. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
285 words
9
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 9.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 9.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 9.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 9.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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