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Some people feel that entertainers such as film stars, pop musicians or sports stars are paid too much money. Do you agree or disagree? Which other types of job should be highly paid? v.14

Entertainers are most likely to make people happy. In fact, I disagree with those who believe that entertainers are being overpaid for their job. Firstly, entertainers have a lot of jobs and responsibilities to handle. For instance, film stars have full schedules for their film project. Their full schedules make them rarely have spare time to spend with family or friends. Although their schedules are full of shooting, they are being paid for their hard work and can also spend time with their friends while having a break in the middle of shooting. Secondly, they will not have any personal space left because there will be many reporters and paparazzi that wanted to get to know their daily life. For example, they have the pressure to always look good in front of many people because they will be judged for not having a good attitude as good as they show on camera. This can make them feel small and the worst thing is feeling depressed. Entertainers should be highly paid since there is a lot of pressure and responsibilities that they need to get along with. Besides entertainers, I think doctors should also get highly paid. Not only because they have taken a long time studying and work hard, but also they helped people to get well as soon as it is possible. In conclusion, there are many jobs that should be highly paid, such as entertainers, doctors, architects, and many more since they have done many hard works that need more energy and effort in doing this job.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Entertainers
are most likely to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
happy. In fact, I disagree with those who believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
entertainers
are being overpaid for their job.

Firstly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
entertainers
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
jobs and responsibilities to handle.
For instance
, film stars have full schedules for their film project. Their full schedules
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them rarely have spare time to spend with family or friends. Although their schedules are full of shooting, they are being
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
paid
for their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
work and can
also
spend time with their friends while having a break in the middle of shooting.
Secondly
, they will not have any personal space
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
left
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
there will be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
reporters and paparazzi that wanted to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
to know their daily life.
For example
, they have the pressure to always look
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
in front of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they will
be judged
for not having a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
attitude as
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
as they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
on camera. This can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them feel
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
and the worst thing is feeling depressed.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Entertainers
should be
highly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
paid
since there is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
pressure and responsibilities that they need to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
along with.

Besides
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
entertainers
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
doctors should
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
highly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
paid
. Not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they have taken a long time studying and work
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helped
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
well as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
soon
as it is possible.

In conclusion
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
jobs that should be
highly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
paid
, such as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
entertainers
, doctors, architects, and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
more since they have done
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
works that need more energy and effort in doing this job.
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IELTS essay Some people feel that entertainers such as film stars, pop musicians or sports stars are paid too much money. Which other types of job should be highly paid?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
259 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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