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Some people feel that entertainers such as film stars, pop musicians or sports stars are paid too much money. Do you agree or disagree? Which other types of job should be highly paid? v.12

Some people feel that entertainers such as film stars, pop musicians or sports stars are paid too much money. Which other types of job should be highly paid? v. 12
Nowadays, there is an argument that celebrities in our entertainment industry and sport stars are earning too much money. In my perspective, I think it is reasonable to pay them at current salaries. Also, politicians should deserve more pay, too. Hence, I disagree with this opinion. Firstly, entertainers have relatively short time to earn their salaries, therefore, the higher their income per annum. In most countries, the average time for one celebrity to pursue his or her career is only about 20 to 25 years, while for the average workforce is around 30 to 33 years. For sports people, things get worse, they have only about 20 years to earn money while playing at maximum. For example, Steven Gerrard, the famous footballer, started his career at 18 years old and retired from football at the age of 38. Although some retired stars from both sports and film industry can continue their works in other careers, most of them can’t, such as the famous Brazilian football star, Ronaldinho. Thus, it is acceptable for them to gain what they deserve while there is still a chance. Secondly, the higher salary for politicians is equal to less corruption. The reason behind this is their desire for wanting more taxpayers’ money from being “well-known and important” are diminished. For instance, Singaporean prime minister is one of the best well-paid jobs on the planet. So, the result is the city-state is placed as one of the least corrupt countries in the world. Therefore, a high salary for politicians can be one of the measures to combat corruption. Lastly, most famous people on the red carpet don’t have much time to earn lots of money as we usually think. Also, putting more money into politicians’ pockets as their own salaries is not a bad idea. In conclusion, I disagree that entertainers should have their pay cut and think that politicians should have their pay raised.
Nowadays, there is an argument that celebrities in our entertainment industry and sport stars are earning too much
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
. In my perspective, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
it is reasonable to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pay
them at
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
salaries
.
Also
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
politicians
should deserve more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pay
, too.
Hence
, I disagree with this opinion.

Firstly
, entertainers have
relatively
short time to earn their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
salaries
,
therefore
, the higher their income per annum. In most countries, the average time for one celebrity to pursue
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
his or her
career is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
about 20 to 25 years, while for the average workforce is around 30 to 33 years. For sports
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
, things
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
worse, they have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
about 20 years to earn
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
while playing at maximum.
For example
, Steven Gerrard, the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
footballer,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
his career at 18 years
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
and retired from football at the age of 38. Although
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
retired stars from both sports and film industry can continue their works in other careers, most of them can’t, such as the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
Brazilian football star,
Possible spelling mistake found.
Ronaldinho
.
Thus
, it is acceptable for them to gain what they deserve while there is
still
a chance.

Secondly
, the higher
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
salary
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
politicians
is equal to less corruption. The reason behind this is their desire for wanting more taxpayers’
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
from being “well-known and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
”
are diminished
.
For instance
, Singaporean prime minister is one of the best well-paid jobs on the planet.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, the result is the city-state
is placed
as one of the least corrupt countries in the world.
Therefore
, a high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
salary
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
politicians
can be one of the measures to combat corruption.

Lastly
, most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
on the red carpet don’t have much time to earn lots of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
as we
usually
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
.
Also
, putting more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
into
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
politicians’
pockets as their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
salaries
is not a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
.
In conclusion
, I disagree that entertainers should have their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pay
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
cut
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
politicians
should have their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pay
raised.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
One should not aim at being possible to understand but at being impossible to misunderstand.
Marcus Fabius Quintilian

IELTS essay Some people feel that entertainers such as film stars, pop musicians or sports stars are paid too much money. Which other types of job should be highly paid? v. 12

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
319 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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