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In the modern world, it is no longer necessary to use animals for food, clothing or medicine. To what extent do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer and include examples from your own experience. v.4

In the modern world, it is no longer necessary to use animals for food, clothing or medicine. v. 4
In the current decade, there has been heated debate that animals should not be used for rudimentary requirements of human beings. I partially agree with this statement. There are numerous organisations, who are fighting for the ethical treatment with animals and ban on killing these creatures for our benefit. While there is still a need to find alternatives in the field of medicinal research. To begin with, vegetables contain an equal proportion of vitamins and proteins in comparison to animal flesh. Researchers have found that people who follow a vegan diet are much healthier than the ones who consume non-vegetarian food. For instance, many sportsmen who follow vegetarian diet show a tremendous increase in their performance and stamina. Moreover, in the majority of the parts of the world, stern laws have been implemented by the governments and the usage of animal skin for clothing is now a punishable offence. On the contrary, it is worthwhile to mention that multifarious developments have been seen in the field of medicinal research, however, scientists are not able to find any alternatives to the utilisation of animals in clinical trials for testing of new drugs. Nevertheless, with the increased intervention of welfare organisations like PETA, it is expected that the use of animals for experiments will surely diminish in future years. Additionally, doctors are not able to invent any supplement to replace the use of aquatic species such as fish are still used to produce medicines like fish oil, which has enormous benefits to human health. To recapitulate, I do not fully agree that it is not necessary to utilize animals for human consumption as there are a plethora of creatures killed by medical researchers for testing and production of numerous medicines. However, a downward trend has been witnessed on consumption of animals in order to meet the fundamental necessities of the layman by the increased influence of animal activists.
In the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
decade, there has
been heated
debate that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
should not be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
for rudimentary requirements of human beings. I
partially
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this statement. There are numerous
Possible spelling mistake. 'organisations' is British English.
organisations
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
are fighting for the ethical treatment with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
and ban on killing these creatures for our benefit.
“While” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
While
there is
still
a need to find alternatives in the field of medicinal research.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, vegetables contain an equal proportion of vitamins and proteins
in comparison
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animal
flesh. Researchers have found that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
follow a vegan diet are much healthier than the ones
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
consume non-vegetarian food.
For instance
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
sportsmen
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
follow vegetarian diet
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
a tremendous increase in their performance and stamina.
Moreover
, in the majority of the parts of the world, stern laws have
been implemented
by the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
and the usage of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animal
skin for clothing is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
a punishable
Possible spelling mistake. 'offence' is British English.
offence
.

On the contrary
, it is worthwhile to mention that multifarious developments have been
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
in the field of medicinal research,
however
, scientists are not able to find any alternatives to the
Possible spelling mistake. 'utilisation' is British English.
utilisation
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
in clinical trials for testing of new drugs.
Nevertheless
, with the increased intervention of welfare
Possible spelling mistake. 'organisations' is British English.
organisations
like PETA, it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
expected
that the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
for experiments will
surely
diminish in future years.
Additionally
, doctors are not able to invent any supplement to replace the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of aquatic species such as fish are
still
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to produce medicines like fish oil, which has enormous benefits to human health.

To recapitulate, I do not
fully
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that it is not necessary to utilize
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
for human consumption as there are a plethora of creatures killed by medical researchers for testing and production of numerous medicines.
However
, a downward trend has
been witnessed
on consumption of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
in order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
the fundamental necessities of the layman by the increased influence of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animal
activists.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay In the modern world, it is no longer necessary to use animals for food, clothing or medicine. v. 4

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
316 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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