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Some people feel that entertainers such as film stars, pop musicians or sports stars are paid too much money. Do you agree or disagree? Which other types of job should be highly paid? v.10

Some people feel that entertainers such as film stars, pop musicians or sports stars are paid too much money. Which other types of job should be highly paid? v. 10
Public libraries have been a major source of access to books, journals and newspapers. But, with the advancement in the computer technology, there are questions being raised from some people regarding the fund spend by the government for the maintenance of it. I partially agree with the notion because there are some limitations associated with the complete acceptance of digital information. There are many reasons for the degradation in the use of public libraries. Firstly, in this fast paced life, people do not have time to visit a public library and make use of reading resources available in it. Moreover, they have a very tight schedule which mostly comprises from office work to spend time with family. Secondly, E-books are accessible on computers and mobiles which are absolutely similar to the physical books available in the library. E-books provide portability and flexibility of reading materials. In fact, Amazon has launched a special tablet, which has access to all the e-books of your choice. Moreover, a healthy mass of the population prefers to use computer based learning and accessing information rather than reading physical stuff. Thus, the cost incurred in running of city libraries is not fully worth for the people. Public libraries are still occupied by the senior citizens in the city who have retired from their professional life. They get a platform to spend time and read books in calm and pleasant environment. Moreover, it also gives them a feeling of togetherness. Computer based e-books are gaining popularity and attracting users, but there have been instances when there are questions raised with the authenticity of the information available on the internet. There are also issues related to the copyright and piracy, which brings down the value of books. Recently, a novel named "Three point someone", which was written by Chetan Bhagat, suffered a financial loss due to the illegal broadcasting of the book on many web sites. On health grounds, continuous computer based reading has adverse effect on the eyesight. So, digital library does provide a lot of advantages, but there are also some flaws as a byproduct of it. To conclude, public libraries are maintained to keep the old traditional method of reading alive, which inculcates an aura of unity. It provides reliability in terms of information we read from books. But, this emerging era of technology also provides the comfort and speed to access the stuff with the use of gadgets. So, maintaining public libraries is not a complete waste of money. But, digital transformation will affect the use of libraries or even might replace them too.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Public
libraries have been a major source of access to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
, journals and newspapers.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
, with the advancement in the computer technology, there are questions
being raised
from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
regarding the fund spend by the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
for the maintenance of it. I
partially
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the notion
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
limitations associated with the complete acceptance of digital information.

There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
reasons for the degradation in the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
libraries.
Firstly
, in this
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
paced life,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
do not have time to visit a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
library and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reading
resources available in it.
Moreover
, they have a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
tight schedule which
mostly
comprises from office work to spend time with family.
Secondly
, E-books are accessible on computers and mobiles which are
absolutely
similar to the physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
available in the library. E-books
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
provide
portability and flexibility of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reading
materials. In fact, Amazon has launched a special tablet, which has access to all the e-books of your choice.
Moreover
, a healthy mass of the population prefers to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
computer based learning and accessing information
rather
than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reading
physical stuff.
Thus
, the cost incurred in running of city libraries is not
fully
worth for the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

Public libraries are
still
occupied by the senior citizens in the city who have retired from their professional life. They
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a platform to spend time and read
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
in calm and pleasant environment.
Moreover
, it
also
gives them a feeling of togetherness. Computer based e-books are gaining popularity and attracting users,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
there have been instances when there are questions raised with the authenticity of the information available on the internet. There are
also
issues related to the copyright and piracy, which brings down the value of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
. Recently, a novel named
Use a smart opening quote here: "“".
"
Three point someone
Use a smart closing quote here: "”".
"
, which
was written
by
Possible spelling mistake found.
Chetan
Possible spelling mistake found.
Bhagat
, suffered a financial loss due to the illegal broadcasting of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
book
on
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
Did you mean "websites"?
web sites
. On health grounds, continuous computer based
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reading
has adverse effect on the eyesight.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, digital library does
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
provide
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
advantages,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
there are
also
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
flaws as a byproduct of it.

To conclude
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
libraries
are maintained
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
traditional method of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reading
alive, which inculcates an aura of unity. It
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
provides
reliability in terms of information we read from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
, this emerging era of technology
also
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
provides
the comfort and speed to access the stuff with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of gadgets.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, maintaining
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
libraries is not a complete waste of money.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
, digital transformation will affect the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of libraries or even might replace them too.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people feel that entertainers such as film stars, pop musicians or sports stars are paid too much money. Which other types of job should be highly paid? v. 10

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
430 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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