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it is about neighbours in part 1, then part 2 tells about questionnaire, also part 3 is about questionnaire in school v.1

it is about neighbours in part 1, then part 2 tells about questionnaire, also part 3 is about questionnaire in school v. 1
Although some people believe that art is an indispensable part of the syllabus for children at school, whereas others opine that it is wastage of their time. However, both have their own pros and cons. Therefore, this essay will discuss both views and then I would give my opinion in the subsequent paragraphs. To commence with the argument, art is undoubtedly a fundamental player of reflection of our emotions. Thus, it is of keen importance that owing to its significance, it must be kept and taught at school because art is a mirror of the children's feelings. For instance, on different occasions, what they do not express in words, they portray on cards for their parents. Hence, learning, creativity at school as a result, creates strong bonding in children with their parents. Conversely, other people advocate that spending hours to educate children about the arts is a complete waste of time and that should be spent on learning useful subjects such as: physics or mathematics. Owing to the fact that enhances their practical skill. To illustrate, children become more interested in the subjects for which they spend more time to study. As a result of this, proponents put forward arguments that learning science could generate useful professions which could help make the globe a better place to live, and teaching art is less fruitful for nations and world. To conclude the aforementioned, I am predisposed to argue that teaching art as a subject is imperative in schools and it is a full utilization of timetable rather than wastage, as it infuses society with positive benefits in the form of culture transfer from generations. Also, I hold a firm point of view that avoiding art will produce devastating effects upon society as a result of losing value in children.
Although
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
is an indispensable part of the syllabus for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
, whereas others opine that it is wastage of their time.
However
, both have their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
pros and cons.
Therefore
, this essay will discuss both views and then I would give my opinion in the subsequent paragraphs.

To commence with the argument,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
is
undoubtedly
a fundamental player of reflection of our emotions.
Thus
, it is of keen importance that owing to its significance, it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
kept
and taught at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
is a mirror of the children's feelings.
For instance
, on
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
occasions, what they do not express in words, they portray on cards for their parents.
Hence
, learning, creativity at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
as a result
, creates strong bonding in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
with their parents.

Conversely
, other
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
advocate that spending hours to educate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
about the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
is a complete waste of time and that should
be spent
on learning useful subjects such as: physics or mathematics. Owing to the fact that enhances their practical
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skill
. To illustrate,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
become more interested in the subjects for which they spend more time to study.
As a result
of this, proponents put forward arguments that learning science could generate useful professions which could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
the globe a better place to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
, and teaching
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
is less fruitful for nations and world.

To conclude
the aforementioned, I
am predisposed
to argue that teaching
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
as a subject is imperative in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
and it is a full utilization of timetable
rather
than wastage, as it infuses society with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
benefits in the form of culture transfer from generations.
Also
, I hold a firm point of view that avoiding
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
will produce devastating effects upon society
as a result
of losing value in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay it is about neighbours in part 1, then part 2 tells about questionnaire, also part 3 is about questionnaire in school v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
298 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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