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People are surrounded by all kinds of advertising. They both have important and negative influences to our lives. Agree or Disagree? v.3

People are surrounded by all kinds of advertising. They both have important and negative influences to our lives. Agree or Disagree? v. 3
In recent years, the living alone has become prevalent among people especially who are living in metropolitan areas and this rate is far higher in developed countries. I believe this trend has more negative consequences than the few positive outcomes it offers. To begin with, it is argued that living lonely has a lot of benefits for people and their society. In terms of personality, the initial reason why single occupants tend to live alone is that they can become a more independent person in their life. To illustrate, children who have to leave their parents to continue their studies in foreign countries, people are more independent than their peers because they have to do several things at the same time without getting help from their relatives. Moreover, single people are likely to attend more public social affairs. In fact, this type of people has a lot of time to participate in social activities and become a volunteer to help people who are living in deprived areas. From another angle, the trend of increasing single-person family has many drawbacks. Firstly, the growing willingness to live alone has a direct relationship with the percentage of people suffers from psychological problems such as isolation and depression. The statistics show that the number of depressed people has increased all over these days, unlike the traditional family where there is always a warm atmosphere to share someone’s distress. Secondly, people in order to overcome their isolation choose a negative lifestyle. Accosting to a study, alone individuals often prefer to consume drugs. Therefore, not only could not they reduce their mental disorders, but also they become addicted to drugs gradually. From what has been discussed, although living alone can improve people’s personality and e positive impact on their society, in my opinion, this trend will increase mental disease and they become addicted to harmful materials to reduce their problems.
In recent years, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
alone
has
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
become
prevalent among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
especially
who are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
in metropolitan areas and this rate is far higher in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
developed countries
. I believe this trend has more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
The usual preposition to use after "consequences" is not "than". Did you mean "consequences of", "consequences for", or "consequences on"?
consequences than
the few
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
outcomes it offers.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, it
is argued
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
lonely has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
benefits for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and their society. In terms of personality, the initial reason why single occupants tend to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
alone
is that they can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
become
a more independent person in their life. To illustrate, children who
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
their parents to continue their studies in foreign countries,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are more independent than their peers
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
do several things at the same time without getting
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
from their relatives.
Moreover
, single
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are likely to attend more public social affairs. In fact, this type of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
time to participate in social activities and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
become
a volunteer to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
in deprived areas.

From another angle, the trend of increasing single-person family has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
drawbacks.
Firstly
, the growing willingness to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
alone
has a direct relationship with the percentage of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
suffers from psychological problems such as isolation and depression. The statistics
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
that the number of depressed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
has increased all over these days, unlike the traditional family where there is always a warm atmosphere to share someone’s distress.
Secondly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in order to overcome their isolation choose a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
lifestyle. Accosting to a study,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
alone
individuals
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
prefer to consume drugs.
Therefore
, not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
could not they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
their mental disorders,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
become
addicted to drugs
gradually
.

From what has
been discussed
, although
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
alone
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
personality and e
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
impact on their society, in my opinion, this trend will increase mental
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
disease and
they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
become
addicted to harmful materials to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
their problems.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay People are surrounded by all kinds of advertising. They both have important and negative influences to our lives. Agree or Disagree? v. 3

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
314 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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