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13/6/2015: With many problems of transport and accommodation in cities, some governments are encouraging businesses to move to rural areas. Do you think the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages? v.1

13/6/2015: With many problems of transport and accommodation in cities, some governments are encouraging businesses to move to rural areas. Do you think the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages? v. 1
It is argued that the extinction of certain kinds of species such as plants and animals is the major environmental problems. While others think that other environmental issues are more critical. I will discuss both views in this essay. To begin with, plants and animals retain balance environment in the world. If they died out of the world the environment faces many difficulties. For instance, the earthworm is called the plough of the farmer. The earthworm living under the soil and keep fertile, which help farmers to grow more crops. If it's extinct from the soil than farmer needs to use chemical fertilizers and create impact badly on the environment. Hence, loss of some kinds of plants and animals increase the environmental problems. On the other hand, there are so many significant environmental problems as like global warming and pollution. The average temperature of the world is increasing day by day. After that the North Pole glaciers are melting and raising the sea level and flooding lower places. Another major problem such as air pollution, water pollution, sound pollution etc. Air pollution can cause respiratory disease and skin disease such as asthma. For example, WHO estimated in 2007 that air pollution causes a half million people deaths per year in India. So, there are many reasons for the environmental problems. To sum up, loses of certain plants and animals not only major cause of environmental problems but also it includes more problems. To prevent environmental problems people all over the world needs to work to save plants and animals along with preventing different pollutions.
It
is argued
that the extinction of certain kinds of species such as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
plants
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
is the major
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
environmental
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
.
“While” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
While
others
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
environmental
issues are more critical. I will discuss both views in this essay.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
plants
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
retain balance environment in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
.
“If” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
If
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
died
out of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
the environment faces
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
difficulties.
For instance
, the earthworm
is called
the
Possible spelling mistake. 'plough' is British English.
plough
of the farmer. The earthworm living under the soil and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
fertile, which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
farmers to grow more crops. If it's extinct from the soil than farmer needs to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
chemical fertilizers and create impact
badly
on the environment.
Hence
, loss of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
kinds of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
plants
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
increase the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
environmental
problems.

On the other hand
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
significant
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
environmental
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
as like global warming and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pollution
. The average temperature of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
is increasing day by day. After that the North Pole glaciers are melting and raising the sea level and flooding lower places. Another major
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
such as air
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pollution
, water
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pollution
, sound
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pollution
etc. Air
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pollution
can cause respiratory disease and skin disease such as asthma.
For example
, WHO estimated in 2007 that air
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pollution
causes a half million
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
deaths per year in India.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
reasons for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
environmental
problems.

To sum up, loses of certain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
plants
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
major cause of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
environmental
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
it includes more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
environmental
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
all over the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
needs to work to save
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
plants
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
along with preventing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pollutions
.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay 13/6/2015: With many problems of transport and accommodation in cities, some governments are encouraging businesses to move to rural areas. Do you think the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
264 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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