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TOEFL essay: Some people trust their first impressions about a person’s character because they believe these judgments are generally correct. Other people do not judge a person’s character quickly because they believe first impressions are often wrong. v.1

TOEFL essay: Some people trust their first impressions about a person’s character because they believe these judgments are generally correct. Other people do not judge a person’s character quickly because they believe first impressions are often wrong. v. 1
In the last 30 years there has been a drastic increase in traffic, especially in bigger cities. This has led to a number of problems, such as air and noise pollution. In my opinion governments can address this problem in many ways. First of all, it would be necessary to renovate and add new bike paths while improving bike riders' safety, in order to encourage people to use bikes instead of their car. If a greater percentage of the population did so, this would make a significative impact on the air quality and congestion. For example, in Denmark many people use the bike to go to work or to school because Danish cities have efficient and organized streets with specific lanes and traffic lights for bikes. Another measure could be improving the city transportation. I consider this really important, since I think it’s one of the main reasons people choose to take the car, me included. Where I live, the city transport system is neither efficient nor reliable: there’s only two rail lines and few busses that can take you to the nearest cities or to a few spots in town, and the trains, in particular, are often delayed or cancelled. A third solution could be making the city centre less accessible to cars, by creating limited-traffic zones and by building shopping centres and other facilities outside of the centre. In conclusion, the government has a huge role in resolving the problems caused by traffic, but I think people have also to be responsible and try to take the car only if necessary.
In the last 30 years there has been a drastic increase in traffic,
especially
in bigger
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
. This has led to a number of problems, such as air and noise pollution. In my opinion
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
can address this problem in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
ways.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, it would be necessary to renovate and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
add
new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
bike
paths while improving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
bike
riders' safety, in order to encourage
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
bikes
instead
of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
car
. If a greater percentage of the population did
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
, this would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a
Possible spelling mistake found.
significative
impact on the air quality and congestion.
For example
, in Denmark
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
bike
to go to work or to school
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
Danish
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
have efficient and organized streets with specific lanes and traffic lights for bikes.

Another measure could be improving the city transportation. I consider this
really
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
, since I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
it’s one of the main reasons
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
choose to take the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
car
, me included. Where I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
, the city transport system is neither efficient nor reliable: there’s
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
two rail lines and few busses that can take you to the nearest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
or to a few spots in town, and the trains,
in particular
, are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
delayed or cancelled.

A third solution could be making the city
Possible spelling mistake. 'centre' is British English.
centre
less accessible to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cars
, by creating limited-traffic zones and by building shopping
Possible spelling mistake. 'centres' is British English.
centres
and other facilities
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "outside".
outside of
the
Possible spelling mistake. 'centre' is British English.
centre
.

In conclusion
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
has a huge role in resolving the problems caused by traffic,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have
also
to be responsible and try to take the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
car
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
if necessary.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay TOEFL essay: Some people trust their first impressions about a person’s character because they believe these judgments are generally correct. Other people do not judge a person’s character quickly because they believe first impressions are often wrong. v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
263 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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