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Some people feel that entertainer (e. g. film stars, pop musicians or sports stars are paid to much money. Do you agree or disagree? which other types of job should be highly paid? v.2

Some people feel that entertainer (e. g. film stars, pop musicians or sports stars are paid to much money. which other types of job should be highly paid? v. 2
It is believed that entertainers usually earn more money in contrast to the individuals. However, some others jobs should be more paid because of its contribution to human society. These points of view will be discussed in the forthcoming paragraphs. In this contemporary era, everybody wants money to fulfill their dreams and basic needs. It is certainly true that the majority of stars cannot hold their top position for a long time. For instance, In India, Mr. Rahul Dravid, who is the former player of the Indian cricket team, just after his retirement, he lost some advertisements contract with international companies. That is why he has faced some financial problem during his life. Thus, if they earn a massive amount while on the peak position then it really helpful in a foreseeable future. However, some people argue that there are numerous other jobs are paid less according to their contribution to society. For instance, Doctors, tutors, soldiers, researchers and so on. Most of the times, they have been working up to late night in case of an emergency. Sometimes, they have no fair enough time even to attend family functions. Therefore, it is clear why some people gravitate towards this thought. After analyzing the aforesaid points, it has been proven that entertainer stars earn a high salary for some reasons. Nevertheless, such other professionals should be much better appreciated and better paid.
It
is believed
that entertainers
usually
earn more money
in contrast
to the individuals.
However
,
some
others jobs should be more paid
because
of its contribution to human society. These points of view will
be discussed
in the forthcoming paragraphs.

In this contemporary era, everybody wants money to fulfill their dreams and basic needs. It is
certainly
true that the majority of stars cannot hold their top position for a long time.
For instance
, In India, Mr. Rahul
Dravid
, who is the former player of the Indian cricket team,
just
after his retirement, he lost
some
advertisements contract with international
companies
.
That is
why he has faced
some
financial problem during his life.
Thus
, if they earn a massive amount while on the peak position then
it
really
helpful in a foreseeable future.

However
,
some
people
argue that there are numerous other jobs
are paid
less according to their contribution to society.
For instance
, Doctors, tutors, soldiers, researchers and
so
on.
Most of the times
, they have been working up to late night in case of an emergency.
Sometimes
, they have no
fair
enough
time even to attend family functions.
Therefore
, it is
clear
why
some
people
gravitate towards this
thought
.

After analyzing the aforesaid points, it has
been proven
that entertainer stars earn a high salary for
some
reasons.
Nevertheless
, such other professionals should be much better appreciated and better paid.
11Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
0Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people feel that entertainer (e. g. film stars, pop musicians or sports stars are paid to much money. which other types of job should be highly paid? v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
232 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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