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What are the key problems facing the world’s cities in the 21st century, and what can be done about them? v.1

What are the key problems facing the world’s cities in the 21st century, and what can be done about them? v. 1
In many cosmopolitan cities, the dwellers have t struggle with the lack of accommodation. There are some factors causing this issue. Therefore, it should be tackled by some effective measures. Among many reasons leading to this problem, I suppose that the two major ones are urbanization and economic recession. Fist of all, these days, that people from the countryside and the less developed areas migrate to the big cities is an inevitable trend as everyone has a great desire to get a better education and more rewarding jobs. This put great pressure on the executive bodies in dealing with the house supply for these newcomers as the land area for construction in some cities is limited. Furthermore, because of the economic recession, the construction industry becomes stagnant. There are not many projects carried out as before due to the limited budget invested for the field of construction. In addition, in this difficult context of economy, those who have not settled down in jobs tend to tighten their belts, so they hardly spend on housing whose price is enormous. However, in my opinion, this problem is not unsolvable as it can be measured by some proper solutions. Firstly, Governments are supposed to equally foster the economic progress around the country, especially in the rural and remote areas. Schools and universities, for instance, should be built more and the quality of education should be significantly improved to attract the local students so that they do not need to travel further for education. On top of this, the competent authorities also need to consider planning more economic projects in these regions in order to create more jobs for the local residents. As a result, they can totally earn a living at their own hometown instead of seeking jobs in the urban areas. The other remedies can be applied is that Governments should extract more budget to encourage the field of construction real estate so that there are more houses can be built. Simultaneously, The State Planners should stimulate the purchase of the citizens by supporting them in the term of finance such as credit loan. Consequently, the construction companies and house businessmen can meet the demand of their customers. In conclusion, that the shortage of houses in the high developed cities is a big challenge for the Governments and residents there. Thus it should be solved the sooner the better. From my aforementioned suggestions, I hope this serious issue can be greatly dealt with.
In
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
cosmopolitan
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
, the dwellers have t struggle with the lack of accommodation. There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
factors causing this issue.
Therefore
, it should
be tackled
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
effective measures.

Among
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
reasons leading to this problem, I suppose that the two major ones are urbanization and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
economic
recession. Fist of all, these days, that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
from the countryside and the less developed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
migrate to the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
is an inevitable trend as everyone has a great desire to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a better education and more rewarding
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
. This put great pressure on the executive bodies in dealing with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
house
supply for these newcomers as the land
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
area
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
construction
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
is limited
.
Furthermore
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
economic
recession, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
construction
industry becomes stagnant. There are not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
projects carried out as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
due to the limited budget invested for the field of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
construction
.
In addition
, in this difficult context of economy, those who have not settled down in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
tend to tighten their belts,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they hardly spend on housing whose price is enormous.

However
, in my opinion, this problem is not unsolvable as it can
be measured
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
proper solutions.
Firstly
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Governments
are supposed
to
equally
foster the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
economic
progress around the country,
especially
in the rural and remote
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
. Schools and universities,
for instance
, should
be built
more and the quality of education should be
significantly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improved
to attract the local students
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that they do not need to travel
further
for education. On top of this, the competent authorities
also
need to consider planning more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
economic
projects in these regions in order to create more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
for the local residents.
As a result
, they can
totally
earn a living at their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
hometown
instead
of seeking
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
in the urban
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
. The other remedies can
be applied
is that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Governments
should extract more budget to encourage the field of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
construction
real estate
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that there are more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
houses
can
be built
.
Simultaneously
, The State Planners should stimulate the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
of the citizens by supporting them in the term of finance such as credit loan.
Consequently
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
construction
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
house
businessmen can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
the demand of their customers.

In conclusion
, that the shortage of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
houses
in the high developed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
challenge for the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Governments
and residents there.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Thus
it should
be solved
the sooner the better. From my aforementioned suggestions, I hope this serious issue can be
greatly
dealt with.
16Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
25Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay What are the key problems facing the world’s cities in the 21st century, and what can be done about them? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
411 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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