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Some people feel that boarding schools are an excellent option for children, while other people disagree for a number of reasons. Consider both sides and reach a conclusion. v.1

Some people feel that boarding schools are an excellent option for children, while other people disagree for a number of reasons. Consider both sides and reach a conclusion. v. 1
The topic of whether children should attend boarding schools or not has attracted much controversies. While some agree that they should, others think otherwise. Both sides of this argument will be discussed in this essay and a logical conclusion will be reached. Proponents of parents enrolling their children in boarding schools argue that it instils self-dependence in these youngsters which is important especially later in their lives. A study conducted in Nigeria revealed that children who attended boarding schools were better able to survive in college in terms of emotional intelligence when relating with their peers, dealing with rigors of working with tight schedules, and most importantly, managing their finances effectively. This in turn worried their parents less. In addition to this, attending boarding schools also impacts positively on the academic performance of these youngsters compared to their counterparts who do not. This may be because of the well-organized schedules these children have which makes them less prone to distractions keeping them more focused. On the other hand, opponents of children attending boarding schools opine that it may be deleterious to their well-being. For instance, access to good nutrition may not be guaranteed especially for some children who have specific dietary restrictions and this can impact on their health significantly. Furthermore, some boarding schools may not have access to good health care to cater to the health needs of these students. There have been reported cases of deaths in the boarding houses which would have been averted if these children were with their parents. Also, these children may feel emotionally detached and estranged from their families if they spend a significant proportion of their teenage years away from them. Overall, it seems advisable to conclude that boarding schools may not be the best alternatives for children due to the significant effect it has on their well-being which far outweighs its benefits. It would appear that this serves the interest of both parents and children.
The topic of whether
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
should attend
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
boarding
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
or not has attracted
Use "many" with countable nouns.
much
controversies. While
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that they should, others
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
otherwise
. Both sides of this argument will
be discussed
in this essay and a logical conclusion will
be reached
.

Proponents of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
enrolling their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
boarding
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
argue that it
Possible spelling mistake. 'instils' is British English.
instils
self-dependence in these youngsters which is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
especially
later in their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
. A study conducted in Nigeria revealed that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
who attended
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
boarding
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
were better able to survive in college in terms of emotional intelligence when relating with their peers, dealing with rigors of working with tight schedules, and most
importantly
, managing their finances
effectively
. This in turn worried their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
less.
In addition
to this, attending
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
boarding
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
also
impacts
positively
on the academic performance of these youngsters compared to their counterparts who do not. This may be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the well-organized schedules these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
have which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
them less prone to distractions keeping them more focused.

On the other hand
, opponents of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
attending
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
boarding
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
opine that it may be deleterious to their well-being.
For instance
, access to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
nutrition may not
be guaranteed
especially
for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
who have specific dietary restrictions and this can impact on their health
significantly
.
Furthermore
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
boarding
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
may not have access to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
health care to cater to the health needs of these students. There have
been reported
cases of deaths in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
boarding
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
houses
which would have
been averted
if these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
were with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
.
Also
, these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
may feel
emotionally
detached and estranged from their families if they spend a significant proportion of their teenage years away from them.

Overall
, it seems advisable
to conclude
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
boarding
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
may not be the best alternatives for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
due to the significant effect it has on their well-being which far outweighs its benefits. It would appear that this serves the interest of both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
12Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
29Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people feel that boarding schools are an excellent option for children, while other people disagree for a number of reasons. Consider both sides and reach a conclusion. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
324 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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