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Some people feel that animals should have the same rights as humans, but others think they are not as equal or intelligent as us so should not have the same rights. Discuss both opinions and give your opinion. v.1

Some people feel that animals should have the same rights as humans, but others think they are not as equal or intelligent as us so should not have the same rights. v. 1
International sporting occasions are fundamental for relieving international pressure, and encourage patriotic emotions in a safe form. I agree with this, hence I believe that is essential to the organization of championships such as the football World Cup or Olympics, because is a good way to make better relationships between nations, and give a sense of unit between people that belong to a same geographical division. Some people disagree with the participation in international sporting events, for the reason that they consider that governments spends several money in these competitions. Therefore, the investment that a state does in these sporting occasions could be used in areas such as health and education. Besides, the same countries always win those championships. Indeed, for poor nations assist to those events is only a waste of time and money. On the other hand, it is considered by many people that the participation in sporty occasions would help to unit a country. Also, they think that the presence of a nation in a football World Cup, for example, is a benefit for one place, in terms that the their country brand could enhance. This, for the reason that they will be seeing as a cooperative state and it is worried about of the development of soccer. Actually, this gives a great contribution economical, especially for countries that organize those championships, because the tourist have an incredible increase. To conclude, it is relevant the realization of popular events because is a way to make a good public relations between countries. Also, the participation in the Olympics or American Cup, for instance, would help to know the identity of a place, hence this could help to more popular some nations and this could do that the tourism increase.
International sporting occasions are fundamental for relieving international pressure, and encourage patriotic emotions in a safe form. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this,
hence
I believe
that is
essential to the organization of championships such as the football World Cup or Olympics,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
is a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
way to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
better relationships between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
, and give a sense of unit between
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
that belong to a same geographical division.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
disagree with the participation in international sporting
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
, for the reason that they consider that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
spends
Possible agreement error. The noun money seems to be uncountable; consider using: "some money".
several money
in these competitions.
Therefore
, the investment that a state does in these sporting occasions could be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
in areas such as health and education.
Besides
, the same
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
always win those championships.
Indeed
, for poor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
assist to those
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
a waste of time and money.

On the other hand
, it
is considered
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
that the participation in sporty occasions would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to unit a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
.
Also
, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that the presence of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nation
in a football World Cup,
for example
, is a benefit for one place, in terms that the their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
brand could enhance. This, for the reason that they will be seeing as a cooperative state and it
is worried
about of the development of soccer. Actually, this gives a great contribution economical,
especially
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
that organize those championships,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the tourist have an incredible increase.

To conclude
, it is relevant the realization of popular
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
is a way to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
public
Don't use indefinite articles with plural words. Did you mean "relation"?
relations
between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
.
Also
, the participation in the Olympics or American Cup,
for instance
, would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to know the identity of a place,
hence
this could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to more popular
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
and this could do that the tourism increase.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
The man who does not know other languages, unless he is a man of genius, necessarily has deficiencies in his ideas.
Victor Hugo

IELTS essay Some people feel that animals should have the same rights as humans, but others think they are not as equal or intelligent as us so should not have the same rights. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
291 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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