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We are becoming increasingly dependent on computers. They are used in businesses, hospitals, crime detection and even to fly planes. What things will they be used for in the future? Is this dependence on computers a good thing or should we be more suspici v.11

We are becoming increasingly dependent on computers. They are used in businesses, hospitals, crime detection and even to fly planes. What things will they be used for in the future? Is this dependence on computers a good thing or should we be more suspici v. 11
All the time, parents debate about children unwillingly reading. Therefore this essay considers some reasons for resistance such activity such as preference play and more active life; meanwhile, try to offer some solution for stimulation more reading including the Audiobooks and game. Firstly, few parents can deny that the majority of children are energetic that lead to tend always move, thereby prefer outdoor games; however, reading supposes the sedentary style of life that opposite to their preference. Moreover, reading means a lot of concentration and the hard work brain that leads to exhausted. For example, in my childhood we had homework, read book consist of six hundred pages it was annoying and hard, and I always tried to evade such activity preferring walk or play on the street. Additionally, all children as adults are different so they have various preferences of activity and type of a book, thereby sometimes they do not want to read that parents offer them, because it does not in their area of interest. Although, if pay attention to children's interest, parents can find out way encourage to read more, it means probably need to give children the freedom to choose types of the book whatever they want instead of imposing own view. For instance, I always love the particular type of book such as the fantasy genre at the same time cannot understand detective or romantic stories that frequently offer. Likewise, parents can create something like a game where they can ask children read them a book because of the mother or father interesting it, but not enough time for reading; meanwhile, parents can alternate reading aloud with children seem to share family activity. Furthermore, presently new technology stimulation read by implementing Audiobooks that have been increasing popularity with the years. To conclude, children have various reasons do not to read and role at the same time burden parents find out the key to encourage doing it, because of one the best way, in reason difference all people, never have been found.
All the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
debate about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
unwillingly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reading
.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Therefore
this essay considers
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
reasons for resistance such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activity
such as preference play and more active life; meanwhile, try to offer
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
solution for stimulation more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reading
including the Audiobooks and game.

Firstly
, few
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
can deny that the majority of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are energetic that lead to tend always
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
, thereby prefer outdoor games;
however
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reading
supposes the sedentary style of life that opposite to their preference.
Moreover
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reading
means
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
concentration and the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
work brain that leads to exhausted.
For example
, in my childhood we had homework,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
read
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
book
consist of six hundred pages it was annoying and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
, and I always tried to evade such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activity
preferring walk or play on the street.
Additionally
, all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
as adults are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they have various preferences of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activity
and
If 'type' is a classification term, 'a' is not necessary. Use "type of". (The phrases 'kind of' and 'sort of' are informal if they mean 'to some extent'.)
type of a
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book
, thereby
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
they do not want to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
read
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
offer them,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it does not in their area of interest.

Although, if pay attention to children's interest,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
can find out way encourage to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
read
more, it means
probably
need to give
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
the freedom to choose types of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
book
whatever they want
instead
of imposing
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
view.
For instance
, I always
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
the particular type of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
book
such as the fantasy genre at the same
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
cannot understand detective or romantic stories that
frequently
offer.
Likewise
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
can create something like a game where they can ask
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
read
them a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
book
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the mother or father interesting it,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reading
; meanwhile,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
can alternate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reading
aloud with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
seem to share family
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activity
.
Furthermore
,
presently
new technology stimulation
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
read
by implementing Audiobooks that have been increasing popularity with the years.

To conclude
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
have various reasons do not to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
read
and role at the same
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
burden
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
find out the key to encourage doing it,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of one the best way, in reason difference all
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
, never have
been found
.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
Language is wine upon the lips. – Virginia WoolfInspirational quotes for language learners
Virginia Woolf

IELTS essay We are becoming increasingly dependent on computers. They are used in businesses, hospitals, crime detection and even to fly planes. What things will they be used for in the future? Is this dependence on computers a good thing or should we be more suspici v. 11

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
337 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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