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some people exercise early in the morning. others exercise in afternoon or evening. which time of the day do you think is better and why. v.2

some people exercise early in the morning. others exercise in afternoon or evening. which time of the day do you think is better and why. v. 2
There has been recently ongoing debate on whether the national budget expenditure should consider a priority for health sector or other fields of development. I am of a strong opinion that health and medicine must receive the largest bulk of money. The following essay will discuss the various avenues of government fund utilization. To start with, for a state to be healthy, the first prerequisite is that its citizen must be healthy. If the people are sick, then the nation will also be weak. For example, the toll of malnutrition and poor sanitation has rendered Sudan a poor country. The Sudanese government now has to spend a lot of money on basic health, thus cutting down expenses in infrastructure development. When the basic need of clean water and optimum food can’t be met, no country can afford to invest in luxury cars, sophisticated underground railway or space missions. Furthermore, investing money in health education, sanitation, installation of research labs is a long term investment. Its results, in the form of healthy people and ability to fight back illnesses, can persist there for many years. For illustration, sufficient investment in health by China countered back when they could fight back the COVID epidemic better than other countries. Who would have a differing opinion in such a noble deal? I do not think anyone would. Moreover, there are other various areas which need significant government finance. Firstly, funding in communication has become very important. For instance, recently we have been able speak to our family and friend over video calling. This is a very important development. It has given us a huge amount of comfort, flexibility and social connectivity. It would have never been possible by investing in healthcare only. Secondly, investment in education, transportation and entertainment are also extremely important. Citizens have to be well educated to understand the progress around the world. Similarly, they must commute to work easily without losing much time in the traffic. For example, massive traffic congestion in Jakarta is an important reason for wastage of people’s time. Therefore, government budget should consider other sectors as well. To summarize, I believe that governments should spend a major bulk of their budget in the healthcare sector. Other sectors e. g. Education, transportation, infrastructure development also need government support.
There has been recently ongoing debate on whether the national budget expenditure should consider a priority for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sector
or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
fields of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
development
. I am of a strong opinion that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
and medicine
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
receive the largest bulk of money. The following essay will discuss the various avenues of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
fund utilization.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
with, for a state to be healthy, the
first
prerequisite is that its citizen
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be healthy. If the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are sick, then the nation will
also
be weak.
For example
, the toll of malnutrition and poor sanitation has rendered Sudan a poor country. The Sudanese
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
spend
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
money on basic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
,
thus
cutting down expenses in infrastructure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
development
. When the basic need of clean water and optimum food can’t
be met
, no country can afford to invest in luxury cars, sophisticated underground railway or space missions.
Furthermore
, investing money in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
education, sanitation, installation of research labs is a long term investment. Its results, in the form of healthy
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
and ability to fight back illnesses, can persist there for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
years. For illustration, sufficient investment in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
by China countered back when they could fight back the
Did you mean "COVID-19" or the alternative spelling "Covid-19" (= coronavirus)?
COVID
epidemic better than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
countries. Who would have a differing opinion in such a noble deal? I do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
anyone would.

Moreover
, there are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
various areas which need significant
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
finance.
Firstly
, funding in communication has become
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
important
.
For instance
, recently we have been
The preposition 'to' is required in front of the verb 'speak'.
able speak
to our family and friend over video calling. This is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
important
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
development
. It has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
us a huge amount of comfort, flexibility and social connectivity. It would have never been possible by investing in healthcare
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
.
Secondly
, investment in education, transportation and entertainment are
also
extremely
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
important
. Citizens
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
be
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
well educated
to understand the progress around the world.
Similarly
, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
commute to work
easily
without losing much time in the traffic.
For example
, massive traffic congestion in Jakarta is an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
important
reason for wastage of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
’s time.
Therefore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
budget should consider
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sectors
as well
.

To summarize
, I believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
should spend a major bulk of their budget in the healthcare
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sector
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sectors
There should be no space here: "e.g.".
e. g.
Education, transportation, infrastructure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
development
also
need
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
support.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay some people exercise early in the morning. others exercise in afternoon or evening. which time of the day do you think is better and why. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
381 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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