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Some people drive their own car to school or work. Others ride a bus, train, or other form of public transportation. Which do you think is better and why? Include details and examples in your explanation. v.1

Some people drive their own car to school or work. Others ride a bus, train, or other form of public transportation. Which do you think is better and why? Include details and examples in your explanation. v. 1
Since people in our modern society became busier and they tend to be too independent on ready-made meals that can be time-saving for busy adults. However, I do not believe that the benefits of ready-made food outweigh the drawbacks. On the one hand, it is undeniable that the ready-made food is easy to keep in the fridge and last longer than cooked food. Cup noodles, for instance, are widely accepted for busy people who have no time and energy to cook after work. Additionally, those foods are also cost-effective and spent less money than cooking from the scratch. Consequently, more people tend to overuse them in daily basis. Similarly, even children can cook them by heating in the micro oven, as a result, they can feed themselves when needed without their parents. However, despite the upsides of the ready-made food, most people are ignorant what the ready-made meals contain. In fact, they have many kinds of chemical contents to keep the product in the best condition to prevent them from going bad. These chemicals can be injurious to human bodies if they consume those continuously, while freshly cooked meals do not harm people the way the ready-made food does. Another concern is that the ready-made food is not as nutritious as freshly cooked food. Freshly cooked food, on the other hand, still keeps vitamins' forms, whilst frozen food often lose the vitamins in the freezing process. To sum up, although the ready-made food can save busy people's time and easy to to cook, they can be harmful to human bodies and not as healthy as the freshly made food. Therefore, I do not believe that the positives of the trend outweigh the negatives.
Since
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in our modern society became
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
busier and
they tend to be too independent on ready-made meals that can be time-saving for busy adults.
However
, I do not believe that the benefits of ready-made
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
outweigh the drawbacks.

On the one hand, it is undeniable that the ready-made
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
is easy to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
in the fridge and last longer than cooked
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
. Cup noodles,
for instance
, are
widely
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
accepted
for busy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who have no time and energy to cook after work.
Additionally
, those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
are
also
cost-effective and spent less money than cooking from the scratch.
Consequently
, more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
tend to overuse them in daily basis.
Similarly
, even children can cook them by heating in the micro oven,
as a result
, they can feed themselves when needed without their parents.

However
, despite the upsides of the ready-made
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
, most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are ignorant what the ready-made meals contain. In fact, they have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
kinds of chemical contents to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
the product in the best condition to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
them from going
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
. These chemicals can be injurious to human bodies if they consume those
continuously
, while
freshly
cooked meals do not harm
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
the way the ready-made
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
does. Another concern is that the ready-made
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
is not as nutritious as
freshly
cooked
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
.
Freshly
cooked
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
,
on the other hand
,
still
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keeps
vitamins' forms, whilst frozen
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
lose the vitamins in the freezing process.

To sum up, although the ready-made
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
can save busy
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's time and easy
Possible typo: you repeated a word
to to
cook, they can be harmful to human bodies and not as healthy as the
freshly
made
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
.
Therefore
, I do not believe that the positives of the trend outweigh the negatives.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people drive their own car to school or work. Others ride a bus, train, or other form of public transportation. Which do you think is better and why? Include details and examples in your explanation. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
283 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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