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Some people do not mind to spend their leisure time with their colleagues while some people prefer to keep their private life separate from their work life. Discuss both views and give your opinion v.1

Some people do not mind to spend their leisure time with their colleagues while some people prefer to keep their private life separate from their work life. 1
How should people spend their personal time has become a hot topic of discussion these days. Some people perceive that we need to spend more time with our colleagues while others believe that our personal time shouldn’t be involved with our work life. In this essay, I shall discuss both perspectives in detail before reaching a final verdict that both perspectives hold equal significance. There are various compelling reasons why it is beneficial for us to socialize with our colleagues when we have spare time and the prominent one is that a close collaboration among co-workers can enhance the revenue and help businesses flourish as staff members tend to put in their best effort to work when they enjoy the work environment. To illustrate, a recent study conducted in Japan has revealed that nearly 80% of Japanese companies arrange numerous social activities for their employees to strengthen their bond. For this reason, it is essential to spend more time with our co-workers. However, some oppose this notion and says that it’s better to not mix up our valuable private time and work time as we work long hours nowadays, so it is significant for us to have some rests from work. Take myself for example, I am a little introverted so normally I go to gym or jog in the park when I have free time because I believe exercising is the most efficient way for me to unwind from work stress. As can be seen, it is also crucial for us to have our own private time. To sum up, people’s opinions towards how to spend the leisure time is various. Taking everything into consideration, I’m inclined to say that we just need to choose the most suitable and beneficial way for us to enjoy our spare time according to our own personalities and needs.
How should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
their personal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
has become a hot topic of discussion these days.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
perceive that we need to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
with our colleagues while others believe that our personal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
shouldn’t
be involved
with our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
life. In this essay, I shall discuss both perspectives in detail
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
reaching a final verdict that both perspectives hold equal significance.

There are various compelling reasons why it is beneficial for us to socialize with our colleagues when we have spare
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
and the prominent one is that a close collaboration among co-workers can enhance the revenue and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
businesses flourish as staff members tend to put in their best effort to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
when they enjoy the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
environment. To illustrate, a recent study conducted in Japan has revealed that
nearly
80% of Japanese
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
arrange numerous social activities for their employees to strengthen their bond.
For this reason
, it is essential to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
with our co-workers.

However
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
oppose this notion and says that it’s better to not mix up our valuable private
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
as we
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
long hours nowadays,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
it is significant for us to have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
rests from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
. Take myself
for example
, I am a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
introverted
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
normally
I go to gym or jog in the park when I have free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
I believe exercising is the most efficient way for me to unwind from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
. As can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
, it is
also
crucial for us to have our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
private time.

To sum up,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
’s opinions towards how to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
the leisure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
is various. Taking everything into consideration, I’m inclined to say that we
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
need to choose the most suitable and beneficial way for us to enjoy our spare
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
according to our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
personalities and needs.
4Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
21Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Mistakes
Change your language and you change your thoughts.
Karl Albrecht

IELTS essay Some people do not mind to spend their leisure time with their colleagues while some people prefer to keep their private life separate from their work life. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
306 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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