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Some people do not mind to spend their leisure time with their colleagues while some people prefer to keep their private life separate from their work life Discuss both the views and give your opinion v.3

Some people do not mind to spend their leisure time with their colleagues while some people prefer to keep their private life separate from their work life 3
It is believed that few men and women want to enjoy their free time with their workmates whereas some people give priority to their privacy and maintain distance with their work life. Although, distinction between both lives is good to some extent, I believe that quality time with co-workers would give fruitful results and this essay will justify both the arguments. Admittedly, if people separate their private life and work life then they can not only enjoy without stress but can also relax themselves without getting anxious about work. Moreover, despite of having good communication with fellow workers, due to the trust issues, people usually do not amalgamate private life with work life. Additionally, to some extent, people have a fear to expose their internal behavior, if they intermingle with their companions. Furthermore, some time people can not enjoy at the fullest because of some restrictions. For example, if employees do a party with their senior executives then they have to be in discipline, even in the party. However, I believe that leisure time should be spent with co-workers. Conversely, there are plethora of reasons that support to spend free time with colleagues. Firstly, people can know each other better which will eventually augment the understanding amidst them. Secondly, internal communication that is one of the key components for betterment of particular company will be increased. Thirdly, people will make new friends and can get more socialize and on top of that can share ideas with each other. To illustrate, when one of my friends starts a new job, he finds interesting friends and learns many things from them. Therefore, it can be substantiated that leisure time should be enjoyed with workmates. In conclusion, agglomerating all the points although, thinking will vary according to person to person, I believe that it would be proven beneficial, if one chooses to spend free time with their work companions and it is recommended that employer should patronize their employees to enjoy together.
It
is believed
that few
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
and women want to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
enjoy
their free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
with their workmates whereas
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
give priority to their privacy and maintain distance with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
. Although, distinction between both
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
extent, I believe that quality
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
with co-workers would give fruitful results and this essay will justify both the arguments.

Admittedly
, if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
separate their private
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
then they can not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
enjoy
without
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
can
also
relax themselves without getting anxious about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
.
Moreover
,
Did you mean "despite" (or, alternatively, 'in spite of')?
despite of
having
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
communication with fellow workers, due to the trust issues,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
usually
do not amalgamate private
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
.
Additionally
, to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
extent,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have a fear to expose their internal behavior, if they intermingle with their companions.
Furthermore
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
enjoy
at the fullest
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
restrictions.
For example
, if employees do a party with their senior executives then they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
be in discipline, even in the party.
However
, I believe that leisure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
should
be spent
with co-workers.

Conversely
, there are plethora of reasons that support to spend free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
with colleagues.
Firstly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can know each other better which will
eventually
augment the understanding amidst them.
Secondly
, internal communication
that is
one of the key components for betterment of particular
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
will
be increased
.
Thirdly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
new friends and can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
more socialize and
on top of that
can share
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
with each other. To illustrate, when one of my friends
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
starts
a new job, he finds interesting friends and learns
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
things from them.
Therefore
, it can
be substantiated
that leisure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
should
be enjoyed
with workmates.

In conclusion
, agglomerating all the points although, thinking will vary according
This phrase is duplicated. You should probably leave only "to person".
to person to person
, I believe that it would
be proven
beneficial, if one chooses to spend free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
companions and it
is recommended
that employer should patronize their employees to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
enjoy
together.
18Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
28Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes
Learn a language, and you’ll avoid a war.
Arab Proverb

IELTS essay Some people do not mind to spend their leisure time with their colleagues while some people prefer to keep their private life separate from their work life 3

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
329 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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