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Some people do not mind to spend their leisure time with their colleagues while some people prefer to keep their private life separate from their work life Discuss both the views and give your opinion v.2

Some people do not mind to spend their leisure time with their colleagues while some people prefer to keep their private life separate from their work life 2
It is thought by some that urging children to abandon their family home at an early age is beneficial. Others believe that it is better if they stay longer with their families. In my opinion staying longer has many advantages. There are several reasons why people might argue that leaving at an early age is helpful for youngsters. Firstly, they learn some new skills which are the dispensable part of living alone. For example cooking, which is inevitable in each home. Secondly, they have to pay their living expenses as they are responsible for it by their own. In doing so, they must apply their knowledge that they have learned to find an appropriate job. Finally, if they leave their family home at an early age, it will reduce the financial burden of their parents who might be on the verge of retirement. In spite of the above arguments, I support the view that staying with parents more longer is beneficial. The main benefit is that they will be protected by their parents. They are in danger as they are not wise enough to be able to distinguish between people who really like them or people who want to deceive them. Another reason for this opinion is that parent are powerful resources of experiences and transferring these precious experiences needs time. If children stay longer there will be more time to grab these opportunities and learn them. The last but not the least is parent’s needs that ignoring them is not fair. Children can be helped hands in some affairs and supporting their parents is more probable when they are near their families. Having considered both sides of the issue, I would argue that the advantages of staying longer with parents outweigh the benefits of leaving at an early age. This is because the supportive, secure and nurturing environment of home can result in children who are more successful.
It is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
that urging
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to abandon their family home at an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
early
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
is beneficial. Others believe that it is better if they stay
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
longer
with their families. In my opinion staying
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
longer
has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
advantages.

There are several reasons why
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
might argue that leaving at an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
early
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
is helpful for youngsters.

Firstly
, they learn
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
new
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
which are the dispensable part of living alone.
For example
cooking, which is inevitable in each home.
Secondly
, they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
pay their living expenses as they are responsible for it by their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
. In doing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
apply their knowledge that they have learned to find an appropriate job.
Finally
, if they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
their family home at an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
early
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
, it will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the financial burden of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
might be on the verge of retirement.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
In spite of
the above arguments, I support the view that staying with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
longer
is beneficial. The main benefit is that they will
be protected
by their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
. They are in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
danger
as they are not wise
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
to be able to distinguish between
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
really
like them or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
want to deceive them. Another reason for this opinion is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parent
are powerful resources of experiences and transferring these precious experiences needs time. If
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
stay
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
longer
there will be more time to grab these opportunities and learn them. The last
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
not the least is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parent’s
needs that ignoring them is not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fair
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Children
can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helped
hands in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
affairs and supporting their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
is more probable when they are near their families.

Having considered both sides of the issue, I would argue that the advantages of staying
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
longer
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
outweigh the benefits of leaving at an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
early
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the supportive, secure and nurturing environment of home can result in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
are more successful.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people do not mind to spend their leisure time with their colleagues while some people prefer to keep their private life separate from their work life 2

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
319 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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