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Some people decide to start their own business instead of working for a company or organization Do the advantages for people working for their own business outweigh the disadvantages Give reason for your answer and include any relevant examples from your v.2

Some people decide to start their own business instead of working for a company or organization Do the advantages for people working for their own business outweigh the disadvantages Give reason for your answer and include any relevant examples from your v. 2
Today several people choose to become entrepreneurs, making their fortune starting from scratch. This choice has certainly many benefits, even if it is not always easy to take up this career. I believe that it is a brave and huge decision to make, but it can give many satisfactions over time. First of all, being self-employed has some advantages. You have the freedom to make any kind of decision regarding your company, without being governed by someone else. So the independence is one of the main reasons. A further reason is the fact that you can have a flexible work schedule to manage as you wish. Contrary to this full autonomy, however, the entrepreneur assumes full responsibility for all his choices and this means that he has to work harder and with dedication to succeed. Clearly this also means that he takes on all possible business risks too. On the other hand, some people opt to be employees and this option has its advantages too. Some of them are the fact that the employee has certainly less responsibilities, he has not to make important decisions and he works for a certain number of hours, then he is free for the rest of the day. An additional benefit is enjoying the monthly pay or the oppurtunity to change his occupation if he wants to. However, even in this case there are drawbacks sometimes, such as when the employer does not pay on time or does not garantee the health insurance or others benefits. To conclude, some people decide to be self-employed, while some people prefer to be employee for a company or organisation. Having made some considerations about the advantages and disadvantages, I think that I would prefer to work as employee for someone else because I would run less risks and I would be more relaxed.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Today
several
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
choose to become entrepreneurs, making their fortune starting from scratch. This choice has
certainly
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
benefits, even if it is not always easy to take up this career. I believe that it is a brave and huge decision to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it can give
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
satisfactions over time.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, being self-employed has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
advantages. You have the freedom to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
any kind of decision regarding your
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
, without
being governed
by someone else.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
the independence is one of the main reasons. A
further
reason is the fact that you can have a flexible
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
schedule to manage as you wish. Contrary to this full autonomy,
however
, the entrepreneur assumes full responsibility for all his choices and this means that he
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
harder and with dedication to succeed.
Clearly
this
also
means that he takes on all possible business
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risks
too.

On the other hand
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
opt to be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
and this option has its advantages too.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
of them are the fact that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employee
has
certainly
Did you mean "fewer"? The noun responsibilities is countable.
less
responsibilities, he has not to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
decisions and
he works for a certain number of hours, then he is free for the rest of the day. An additional benefit is enjoying the monthly pay or the
Possible spelling mistake found.
oppurtunity
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
his occupation if he wants to.
However
, even
in this case
there are drawbacks
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
, such as when the employer does not pay on time or does not
Possible spelling mistake found.
garantee
the health insurance or others benefits.

To conclude
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
decide to be self-employed, while
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
prefer to be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employee
for a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
or
Possible spelling mistake. 'organisation' is British English.
organisation
. Having made
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
considerations about the advantages and disadvantages, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that I would prefer to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employee
for someone else
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
I would run
Did you mean "fewer"? The noun risks is countable.
less
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risks
and I would be more relaxed.
10Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
11Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
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IELTS essay Some people decide to start their own business instead of working for a company or organization Do the advantages for people working for their own business outweigh the disadvantages Give reason for your answer and include any relevant examples from your v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
306 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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