Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.
Check Your Text it's free

Visa regulations should be relaxed for overseas students. Do you agree or disagree? v.2

Visa regulations should be relaxed for overseas students. v. 2
The popularity of studying abroad is growing nowadays, and the required paperwork, such as visa applying is being commonly discussed to be simplified or even canceled. I completely disagree with this opinion and consider that the procedure of obtaining a visa should not be facilitated. First of all, the main reason visa regulations should remain as they are or even become stricter is the safety issue. Although the main students’ purpose of studying abroad is to get an education, sometimes they can get into trouble. For instance, some students that don't have enough money to pay tuition or something else may start to work illegally. I suppose visa regulations should help the government to prevent such situations due to frequent visa requirements to have a certain amount of money on the students’ bank account to cover the education fees and activities for leisure time. Secondly, there is an economic aspect. It is inevitable that relaxed visa legislation in a certain country would ensure an inflow of students want to get an education there while the supply of universities remains at the same quantity. It would cause difficulties or even the impossibility of entering the university for citizens of this country. For example, some university in a small town has a limited quantity of available places and, if the visa issues are simplified by government’s policy, many overseas students would apply for studying and there would be no places for the locals. Visa regulations can help in balancing the scales of students’ demand and universities’ supply of education. To conclude, I strongly believe that visa requirements provide safety for both sides, the country, and the students themselves, so they shouldn’t be facilitated.
The popularity of studying abroad is growing nowadays, and the required paperwork, such as visa applying is being
commonly
discussed to
be simplified
or even canceled. I completely disagree with this opinion and consider that the procedure of obtaining a visa should not
be facilitated
.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, the main reason visa regulations should remain as they are or even become stricter is the safety issue. Although the main
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students’
purpose of studying abroad is to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
an education,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
into trouble.
For instance
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
that don't have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
money to pay tuition or something else may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
to work
illegally
. I suppose visa regulations should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
such situations due to frequent visa requirements to have a certain amount of money on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students’
bank account to cover the education fees and activities for leisure time.

Secondly
, there is an economic aspect. It is inevitable that relaxed visa legislation in a certain country would ensure an inflow of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
want to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
an education there while the supply of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
universities
remains at the same quantity. It would cause difficulties or even the impossibility of entering the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
for citizens of this country.
For example
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
in a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
town has a limited quantity of available places and, if the visa issues
are simplified
by
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
’s policy,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
overseas
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
would apply for studying and there would be no places for the locals. Visa regulations can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
in balancing the scales of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students’
demand and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
universities’
supply of education.

To conclude
, I
strongly
believe that visa requirements provide safety for both sides, the country, and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
themselves,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they shouldn’t
be facilitated
.
6Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
11Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay Visa regulations should be relaxed for overseas students. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
281 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
Similar posts


Recent posts