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Some people consider art to be essential and others think it is not. Which view do you agree with and why? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. You should spend about 40 minutes on this task. v.3

Some people consider art to be essential and others think it is not. Which view do you agree with and why? v. 3
Many aspects in this world for every individual is pivotal, especially to suffer in life, including the economy, education, health and many others, while art is not a mere thing to affect human life. However, I personally disagree with the part of people who deem that art is more important than others, which will be investigated in this essay before a rational conclusion. First and foremost, the art could not be the only element to guarantee some people live. This can be noticed that somebody still has a prosperity without having that element. By means that they would prefer to give a priority to the economic aspect which it is going to be their standard living. Besides, the economic could also clearly changing the lifestyle, then they consider to have fully concern to that form. Ultimately, the change of economic could be beneficial more to anything as well as it would fulfil the other aspects. Furthermore, the education also as part of a vital section that it will be able to improve the civilization throughout the period. It is a fundamental element for everyone to be a successful person, unless it is not taught in human life, the inanity will extend and influence to the reduction of welfare of society. Also, the health is a necessary aspect to have a good life. As a result, if they could protect their fitness, they would easily do anything they need in life. Hence, those three facets are becoming more essential and influential to create a welfare than others. By way of conclusion, to truly consider of which of the thing affecting human life, it is clear to say that the economic, education and health are more crucial than art. As I would state that some individuals should not only focus on art, yet they must concern the aspects that related more to the mortal.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
aspects
in this world for every individual is pivotal,
especially
to suffer in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
, including the economy, education, health and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
others, while
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
is not a mere thing to affect human
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
.
However
, I
personally
disagree with the part of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who deem that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
is more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
than others, which will
be investigated
in this essay
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
a rational conclusion.

First
and foremost, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
could not be the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
element to guarantee
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
. This can
be noticed
that somebody
still
has a prosperity without having that element. By means that they would prefer to give a priority to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
economic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
aspect
which it is going to be their standard living.
Besides
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
economic
could
also
clearly
changing the lifestyle, then they consider to have
fully
concern to that form.
Ultimately
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
economic
could be beneficial more to anything
as well
as it would fulfil the other aspects.

Furthermore
, the education
also
as part of a vital section that it will be able to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
the civilization throughout the period. It is a fundamental element for everyone to be a successful person, unless it is not taught in human
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
, the inanity will extend and influence to the reduction of welfare of society.
Also
, the health is a necessary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
aspect
to have a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
.
As a result
, if they could protect their fitness, they would
easily
do anything they need in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
.
Hence
, those three facets are becoming more essential and influential to create a welfare than others.

By way of conclusion, to
truly
consider of which of the thing affecting human
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
, it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
to say that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
economic
, education and health are more crucial than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
. As I would state that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
individuals should not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
focus on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
,
yet
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
concern the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
aspects
that related more to the mortal.
15Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
19Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Mistakes
The man who does not know other languages, unless he is a man of genius, necessarily has deficiencies in his ideas.
Victor Hugo

IELTS essay Some people consider art to be essential and others think it is not. Which view do you agree with and why? v. 3

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
312 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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