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Some people consider art to be essential and others think it is not. Which view do you agree with and why? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. v.2

Some people consider art to be essential and others think it is not. Which view do you agree with and why? v. 2
Many people believe that we should focus on art and other creative sectors while others argue that it is trivial. In my view, I agree with the statement that art must be essential for one's life as it has many positive impacts. It can help people to release their stress and it also reflects the specific cultural and traditional values of a particular country or region. All types of art can have a profound impact on one's life. Nowadays, people tend to spend their lives with busy schedules. In order to release their stress due to a hectic lifestyle, art is the best meditation. People can listen to music while they are free or they can focus on painting, which helps them to get relaxed. For example, an article shows that 85% of people who have hobbies related to arts like singing, dancing or painting are healthier than other people. They are less likely to have stress-related health problems. On the other hand, art helps to promote cultural and traditional values of a country. There are different types of art related to different types of country and region. These types of differences would make the world a better place. For instance, Sri Lanka is the most famous country for wood carving and there are lots of local and foreign tourists visiting to have hands-on experiences in those arts. This helps to showcase many values of Sri Lankan culture. In conclusion, art is crucial in the world. It would help people to relax as well as promote many cultural and traditional aspects of the world. I strongly agree that art should be essential for everyone.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe that we should focus on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
creative sectors while others argue that it is trivial. In my view, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the statement that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be essential for one's life as it has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
impacts. It can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to release their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
and it
also
reflects the specific cultural and traditional values of a particular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
or region.

All
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
types
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
can have a profound impact on one's life. Nowadays,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
tend to spend their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
with busy schedules. In order to release their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
due to a hectic lifestyle,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
is the best meditation.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
can listen to music while they are
Use a comma before 'or' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
free or
they can focus on painting, which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
helps
them to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
relaxed.
For example
, an article
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
that 85% of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who have hobbies related to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
like singing, dancing or painting are healthier than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. They are less likely to have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
-related health problems.

On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
helps
to promote cultural and traditional values of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
. There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
types
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
related to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
types
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
and region. These
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
types
of differences would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
the world a better place.
For instance
, Sri Lanka is the most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
for wood carving and there are lots of local and foreign tourists visiting to have hands-on experiences in those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
. This
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
helps
to showcase
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
values of Sri Lankan culture.

In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
is crucial in the world. It would
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to relax
as well
as promote
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
cultural and traditional aspects of the world. I
strongly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
should be essential for everyone.
6Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
33Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes
With languages, you are at home anywhere.
Edward De Waal

IELTS essay Some people consider art to be essential and others think it is not. Which view do you agree with and why? v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
274 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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