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Some people think individuals cannot do anything to make the environment different, others think they can. Discuss both views and give your opinion. v.1

Some people think individuals cannot do anything to make the environment different, others think they can. v. 1
The environment is crucial for an individual and the social. However, over the last decade, because of global warming, the earth is getting hotter. That is why the concern of the degrading environment is at the peak, resulting in a dozen debates on who should be responsible for the future of our generation. Some people believe that individuals cannot do anything to make the environment different, in contrary, others think that they should in charge of what they have done. In my opinion, I strongly agree that each people should team up to solve the environmental issues. On the one hand, human activities are major factors causing the overhearing throughout history such as people agreed to all the factories did a massive product of vehicles to help them travel around comfortably, or they did not concern about the companies dumped the rubbishes and dangerous materials into the rivers and the oceans. Therefore, each individual instead of going by public transport, for example, buses, cars, motorbikes, and so on should go walk or use a bicycle to their offices. It not only helps people healthier and keeps fit but it also can be a word to say reject to companies using fossil fuels emit hazardous gases into our aerial. Moreover, a human can grow the trees in his/her house due to its huge advantages. On the other hand, the government should take action for environmental problems because they have more power than individuals. For example, Belgium's authorities announced that polluting vehicles will not be allowed to enter the center city in order to reduce the emissions. This action immediately received many positive feedbacks from the city-dwellers and neighboring countries. In conclusion, the problem of the environment should be tackled by both individuals and governments. I believe our nature will be cleaner in someday.
The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
environment
is crucial for an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individual
and the social.
However
, over the last decade,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of global warming, the earth is getting hotter.
That is
why the concern of the degrading
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
environment
is at the peak, resulting in a dozen debates on who should be responsible for the future of our generation.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individuals
cannot do anything to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
environment
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
, in contrary, others
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that they should in charge of what they have done. In my opinion, I
strongly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should team up to solve the environmental issues.

On the one hand, human activities are major factors causing the overhearing throughout history such as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agreed
to all the factories did a massive product of vehicles to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them travel around
comfortably
, or they did not concern about the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
dumped the rubbishes and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
materials into the rivers and the oceans.
Therefore
, each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individual
instead
of going by public transport,
for example
, buses, cars, motorbikes, and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on should go walk or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
a bicycle to their offices. It not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
healthier and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keeps
fit
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it
also
can be a word to say reject to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
using fossil fuels emit hazardous gases into our aerial.
Moreover
, a human can grow the trees in his/her
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
due to its huge advantages.

On the other hand
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should take action for environmental problems
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they have more power than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individuals
.
For example
, Belgium's authorities announced that polluting vehicles will not be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
allowed
to enter the center city in order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the emissions. This action immediately received
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
feedbacks from the city-dwellers and neighboring countries.

In conclusion
, the problem of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
environment
should
be tackled
by both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individuals
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
. I believe our nature will be cleaner in someday.
12Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
13Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think individuals cannot do anything to make the environment different, others think they can. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
302 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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